It’s not always a matter of whether or not he’s into you.
A man can be really into you, and still not be ready for that big commitment. It started out as a fling for him, he thought you were cool, great in bed, and generally great to be around. But he was in no way thinking marriage. You hinted, suggested, and finally flat out asked him, maybe an ultimatum was involved. However you managed to get him to agree to take that walk down the aisle, please take into consideration that the only one who really stands to lose, is you. If a man is ill-equipped in a relationship, there will be many growing pains as he stumbles along the way in a marriage. Here are five signs you need to watch out for before dragging him down the aisle.
- HE STILL ACTS SINGLE
He sees nothing wrong with a little harmless flirting, and genuinely enjoys the attention of other women. First off, there is no such thing as “harmless” flirting when you’re in a relationship. His need for female attention says more about how he feels about himself, than his feelings for you. If he tells you that he loves “women”, and can’t quite take the plural out of the equation, then he is definitely not the one for you. It does not matter how long the two of you have been together, being forced into a serious relationship is not likely going to make him change. There’s nothing but heartbreak and infidelity for you down that road, steer clear. Let him go, and wait for the one who is ready for what you want.
- HE’S SELFISH
Ok, so we’re all a little selfish to some degree, there is nothing at all wrong with that. But a selfish man is no good in any kind of relationship, since all relationships require lots of giving and sharing. That includes, time, family, money, and himself. If he can’t give any of those things, then you are alone in your relationship. When you find that he is more into himself than he is into you, that is a bad sign, and does not make for a blissful future. All relationships are give and take, but if you are doing all the giving, and he’s doing all the taking, that is just a recipe for disaster. A man who is serious about you will give freely, without you having to ask.
- INCONSIDERATE OF YOUR TIME
A stable man with a full life will be considerate of your time, because he will be effectively spending his as well. If he’s always working or out hanging out with his boys, but wants you to drop everything whenever he decides it’s your turn, that is not a sign of a good long-term partner. A good partner will value you and your time. He will find time to spend with you that does not cause an inconvenience. He will make sure that you are a priority right along with his career, friends and family. If he does not or cannot make you a priority, then he is not ready. Never make someone a priority that treats you like an option.
- HE DOESN’T DISCUSS A FUTURE WITH YOU
He does not discuss the future with you, and when he does, there is always something missing. You. It does not take a man as long to figure it out as we are often led to believe. Just like us, they know instantly if they can “see” themselves with you long term. He may not instantly think “marriage”, but he will instantly think in terms of longevity. Men have an image of the ideal wife, just as we have an image of the ideal husband. If you do not fit that image, he will know it right away. He may not readily clue you in, but he’ll know it, and it will show up every time he discusses a future that does not include you. A man who sees a future with you, and is ready to take it to the next step, will speak in those terms.
- SEX IS ALWAYS ABOUT HIM
Before walking down the aisle, remember that this will be your partner for life. The last man you will ever sleep with. You’d better make sure that he can properly take care of your physical needs. If he is a selfish lover, that’s not ever going to change. A giving sexual partner is not a technique that can be taught, either he is or he isn’t. If foreplay is nonexistent, and he spends the entire five minutes only ensuring his own pleasure, then it is only a matter of time before you will become sexually frustrated. Seven out of ten arguments between couples can be solved with great sex, or even a good quickie. Maybe eight. If he is not handling his business “down there”, then he’s not handling it anywhere. Marriage is no place for the selfish. Sex will not be the only place it will show up, but I guarantee it will be the source of every fight between you.
Kimberley Jasper is pursuing her Bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from the University of Houston. She is currently an accomplished self-published author of three novels, with the release of her fourth being greatly anticipated. From horror fiction with a mystical twist, to erotic thrillers, she is able to do it all with well-seasoned finesse. Kimberley gives every genre of her writing the same drive and devotion. Formerly a public-speaker, she still mentors women of all ages with a series entitled “A Woman’s Work”. She is a returning freelance writer for Sistah’s Place, Maya’s Blog Showcase, and formerly Urban Image Magazine.
Feature Photo credit: http://bruthamag.com/2014/03/04/can-she-propose/