Blog

RELATIONSHIP RE-DESIGN: EIGHT SECRETS OF A SUCCESSFUL COUPLE By Kimberly Jasper

Having too much to do is a common cause of stress.  Organization drives relationships in a positive direction.  The benefits of using these organizing principles are very real, as more time with your significant other allows the relationship to grow.  Spending a little time developing a system that makes sense for both of you will save you all sorts of stress down the road, and leave more time for the two of you to spend doing the things you want to do.

A couple with less stress is going to be a whole lot happier.  Prioritizing the “business” of your relationship is why some couples happily go the distance, and so many others throw in the relationship towel along the way.  The truth is that relationship happiness does not occur by accident.  It is important for couples be ready and willing to work to maintain and grow their relationships, happy couples work wisely at building their love.  They realize that a relationship left on autopilot will tend to veer off course to crash and burn.

  1. WEEKLY “TEAM” MEETING

Having a meeting each week keeps the lines of communication open.  Communication is not only the key to success, but effective communication about the things that matter most, the things that keep engines running and fires burning that make the difference.  If you regard your relationship as a “team”, then you will work as one.  Sit down at a table and run this more or less like a business meeting.  The fact is that every relationship has some “business” to it — tasks that need to be taken care of, upcoming projects you need to prepare for, financial concerns and so on.  Houses, cars, gardens, virtually everything, especially relationships, need work to maintain them.  Spending a little time each week focusing on what needs to happen to keep your home running smoothly means that these conversations will happen when they’re supposed to, and don’t “sneak” up on you at the wrong time.

  1. USE A JOINT CALENDAR

Having a calendar is vital for staying organized with commitments.  Sharing these appointments with your partner helps prevent conflicts of scheduling, and it will keep you both reminded of things you are doing together.  Be sure to keep it in a place where both of you can easily refer to it, and update it as often as necessary.  Daily calendars are fine, but it may be beneficial to use a calendar that displays the full month so that upcoming events are visible well in advance.  One partner may be good at reminders, and the other at updating, having the calendar available to both of you can make for teamwork that is more effective and open.

  1. TRACK YOUR FINANCES

Establishing a budget and reconciling your checkbook regularly are great ways to keep track of your finances.  Today’s technology has made it even easier with automated solutions like Mint.com, QuickBooks and Quicken.  Money fights are some of the most common in relationships, so devise a budget plan to make sure that all financial responsibilities are covered.  Having an open discussion about finances before you are over budget or underfunded for the month will make things better for both of you.  It can also highlight strengths and weaknesses that can be accounted for, and resolved, before it gets too out of hand.

  1. STREAMLINE YOUR JOINT FINANCIAL SYSTEM

There are many ways to handle money in a relationship.  However, if you agree to jointly handle money; make the system as streamlined as possible.  Open a joint account that you both pay into, so you can pay bills and move money back and forth if one of you needs to pay the other for something.  Each of you may keep your personal accounts, but this type of central “pool” makes bill sharing easy.  You may set a deadline for the money transfer so that each is aware in enough time if the other is going to be short for the month.  Whatever your system, make moving money an easy thing — the goal is to relieve the stress about your finances.  Again, the focus is on a smoother transfer and healthy maintenance of household or monthly financial obligations.  Open discussions about expectations will alleviate stress and create a happier financial medium for both of you in your relationship.

  1. USE A JOINT SHOPPING LIST

Nothing is worse than getting home from the store and realizing that you forgot something — except, maybe having to run back to the store just to get that one thing.  It is a waste of time and energy, and the odds of it happening doubles when you become a couple.  Now there are two working lists of needs and wants.  Keep a shopping list somewhere you can both see and add to it, and make a final check for anything that is not on the list before you go shopping.  I advise keeping it in the kitchen, that way when you run out of or need to replace an item, you can just add it to the list accordingly.

  1. SAVE FOR GOALS AS A COUPLE

Having savings is important, and so is having goals.  A savings goal is the best of both, and a great way to get organized as a couple.  Planning a trip or a home improvement project?  Figure out how much you need to save each month, and each contribute a certain determined amount to a joint account.  Even if you don’t have combined finances, joint savings accounts can be set up easily or you can do it the old fashioned way and just put it in a shoebox.  Either way, the goal money is tucked away in a separate place where it won’t be spent.  It is also another way to bond in your relationship.  If you are talking about savings goals, you are talking about the future, and what that looks like for the two of you.  That is always a good thing.

  1. DIVIDE UP THE HOUSEHOLD CHORES

Most people do not enjoy housework, but we all agree that it simply must be done.  Splitting the load makes it more bearable rather than to leave it to “whoever” to gets to it.  Chances are it will never get done.  Decide who is responsible for what, and divide the work in a way that gets you both involved in keeping the house clean and running smoothly.  If you don’t mind cooking, but hate the cleanup, you should both agree that one of you cooking means the other cleans up afterwards.  It’s a simple fix that eliminates “messy house” resentment.  It not only shows teamwork, but promotes couple harmony.  It is also another exercise in compromise.  Don’t be so stuck on how it gets done, but focus on the task getting done.  Don’t get hung up in the details of how and why, just get it done.

  1. HAVE A MAIL SYSTEM

Have a system for who gets the mail each day – maybe something like “first one home gets the mail” since it works no matter how much your schedules change.  Once the mail is in the house, have a designated place for it to go so both of you always know where to find it.  Having a spot for mail to come into the house, and for mail that needs to go out, will keep you organized and avoid the stress of looking for a lost bill or important document.  It will also help to eliminate the mail pile because sorting helps to put everything in its pace and prompt immediate action, rather than leaving mail in a pile where important deadlines can be missed.

Photo Credits: People Magazine-The Obama’s

About the Author:

Kimberley Jasper is pursuing her Bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from the University of Houston. She is currently an accomplished self-published author of three novels, with the greatly anticipated release of her fourth. From horror fiction with a mystical twist, to erotic thrillers, she is able to do it all with well-seasoned finesse.  Kimberley gives every genre of her writing the same drive and devotion.  Formerly a public speaker, she still mentors women of all ages with a series entitled “A Woman’s Work”.

She is a returning freelance writer for Sistah’s Place, Maya’s Blog Showcase, and formerly Urban Image Magazine.

Kimberly2

Website: https://mkt.com/krjasperwrites

Twitter: @mariasdghtr

IG: @krjasperwrites

Feature Photo credit: http://www.mynewhitmanwrites.com/2012/09/remaining-celibate-for-young-singles.html

Advertisements

Where will you be? By Toni Larue

“The Black skin is not a badge of shame by a symbol of national greatness.” -Marcus Garvey

 Imagine after a long day of work, you want to take your staff out to lunch as a thank you. After much deliberation, everyone decides on a restaurant, not too far from the office. It’s an upscale eatery so everyone is excited because it’s not often that you indulge yourself in fine dining.

There’s seven of you. You walk in and relief sweeps over you when you realize the restaurant is pretty much empty so there shouldn’t be much of a wait time.

The greeter asks you how many do you want to sit.

You smile and say seven.

There’s hesitation… “Are policy states that we cannot accommodate a party of that size,” the greeter replies.

“Ok, not a problem”, you say. “You can split us up. Four at one table and three at another. We don’t even have to be on the same side of the restaurant if you’re unable to.”

“Since we know you can in together, we still can’t seat you.”

How would you react to that response? Would you think it’s racist or would you think you’ve encountered restaurant workers who are just trying to flex their power?

I would have gone with option two. I provided a solution and instead of agreeing with my solution the restaurant employee’s rather stick to their stance than admit I have a point.

For the millionaire, Jay Morrison, he may have agreed with me until he went public about the incident and was flooded with photos of non-Black, restaurant goers, eating at that very restaurant with parties larger than his own.

Last week, real estate tycoon, Jay Morrison was refused seating at a local restaurant in Atlanta, Houston’s. The rejection turned into a full throttle boycott, with the help of rapper T.I and others. As far as I know, Houston’s was shut down for two days.

After the boycott incident, Jay Morrison appeared on my favorite, Dr Boyce Watkin’s, YouTube channel and after watching the interview, I knew this time would be different.

We are used to Black activist telling us how we should own and control, how we should buy Black and support Black business but there wasn’t a time, from what I could remember, where they actually took action on their words.

Jay Morrison mentioned a Tulsa project where he and his team of investors planning to purchase blocks of real estate and began the process of rebuilding. We’re talking Black hospital’s, Black restaurants, Black everything….

The interview went more in depth so I will post the link below:

 https://youtu.be/o6ISF8AK9Vk

 More and more influential Black people are speaking out in support of our Blackness.

The energy is different this time. There will be action and though it might get bad before it gets better, I am ready for the battle.

It is time that we wear our confidence and that we display to the world that we will no longer wait for opportunities but create our own.

Ladies and gentlemen…we are experiencing a historic moment…where will you be..

About Author:

author-Toni-LarueToni Larue is an author, entrepreneur and women’s empowerment advocate. She is the author of fiction novels, Abandoned Secrets (available now) and No Kissing (release date TBD), and the co-owner and COO of Team Jon Doe Management and Entertainment and Sounwave Music.

http://www.teamjondoe.com

 

 

Seven Reasons She’s not crying after break up by Kimberly R. Jasper

These days, more and more women are seeking the solace of singlehood.  They’re throwing away the mentality that they need to “settle down” by a certain age, and are perfectly happy with their single status.  Not that there is anything wrong with marriage, but it is not as necessary for a woman’s fulfillment as it was once perceived.  Many more women are coming out and admitting that they are simply happier single.  We need to stop the ideal that a woman is only happy with a man by her side, that is not true in every case.  Women are also much more inclined to walk away from a relationship that no longer serves them without the fear of being alone.  They walk into their newfound freedom with boldness and ambition.  It’s a little condescending to think that a woman can’t have true happiness unless she’s in a relationship.  There is more happiness to be found in walking away from a partnership that no longer feeds your spirit, or elevates you.  Here are just seven reasons why she’s probably not crying after the breakup.

 

  1. SHE LOVES HER OWN SPACE

It’s all hers, and she doesn’t have to share it with anyone.  Her house, her things, her rules.  She can “girl up” the décor if she wants to, and she doesn’t have to clean up behind anybody but herself.  A major part of every relationship is sharing, and since women are natural nurturers, we tend to do the majority of sharing and compromising.  This is a beautiful exchange if with a partner that gives as much as he takes, but every woman has her limit.  Even reciprocal giving can be exhausting.  She is creating her own space, and reclaiming her peace.  Everything she owns is hers, and that is just the way she wants it.

  1. SHE ENJOYS HER FREEDOM

Her life is actually pretty awesome.  She can go where she wants, do what she wants, with who she wants, how she wants, whenever she wants to.  She doesn’t have any ties to anyone, so there’s nothing pulling on her, or tripping her up.  There is no one to answer to, so she doesn’t feel the need to ask for permission, doesn’t have to consider anyone but herself.  This is called freedom.  The ultimate goal is not to be tied or weighed down by the load of a relationship.  She simply enjoys the freedom of doing her own thing with a much lighter load.

 

  1. SHE’S LIVING IT UP

The whole “what’s mine is ours” thing is a real downside for some women in committed relationships.  Retail therapy is the cure to many ills, and some women fear that once they start mixing credit cards and bank accounts, they will be expected to be thriftier with their spending.  No more joint accounts, no more miscellaneous expenses unless they are her own.  No more inquiries or discussions about finances, everything going in or out is all up to her.  Having her money all to herself also allows her the freedom not to have to answer for every pair of shoes or designer handbag.

  1. VARIETY IS THE SPICE OF LIFE

What one can’t do; two or maybe even three can.  Maybe after a long marriage or relationship, she discovers that there really are 31 flavors out there, and she has only tasted two of them.  Variety is indeed the spice that adds new flavor to her single life.  On any given night, she can choose something different as if ordering her favorite take-out.  Want it a little spicy?  Order Italian.  Want it flaming hot?  Get a Rude Boy to quell that hunger.  Want a strong and bold flavor?  Order BBQ or decadent chocolate to satisfy that sweet tooth.  She can indulge in any flavor, and variety wanted, at any time she so pleases.  Tall, short, long, lean, she can have it all…and she will, if she desires.

 

  1. SHE’S DECIDED MARRIAGE IS JUST NOT FOR HER RIGHT NOW

Contrary to popular belief, not every woman wants to be married.  Just as George Clooney once vowed himself to bachelorhood, some women feel the same, but she will reserve the right to amend that if the right one to comes along.  It’s not just money that keeps Oprah from marrying Steadman; she loves and values her freedom as well.  Besides, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.  It may be hard to believe, but there are women out there that are simply more focused on their careers, children and/or themselves, so marriage is not a top priority at the moment.  Just as men have an ideal picture of what the perfect “wife” looks like, women have an ideal as well, and maybe he is not the guy to fit that, so relax.  Let go of the myth that every woman is trying to trap a man into marriage, and grasp the idea that maybe they just don’t want to trap themselves.

  1. SHE’S A FREE SPIRIT

She greatly values the peace that comes with her life as a single woman.  She enjoys Pilates, free and holistic living, meditation, and the occasional hookah.  Balance, spiritual symmetry, inner peace, and stability are all the first things to go in a relationship for a woman with a free spirit.  The introduction of another entity into her personal space may through things off balance.  Only the right energy can maintain the balance of a healthy core.  The disruption of a demanding relationship can cause agitation, and chronic fatigue.  She now feels as if she is confined, and this greatly disturbs her inner peace.  Maybe she feels as if a relationship is jeopardizing her peaceful core, and she’s just not willing to risk it.

  1. SHE ACTUALLY LIKES “JUST HOOKING UP”

She really likes the idea of no strings attached.  Women are extremely sexual creatures, and we are now living in a time when it is acceptable for them explore that part of themselves.  No spending the night, no crowding her space, a call when needed, then it’s back to his own place.  No questions or forced conversations, just keep it quick and cute.  Being exclusive limits the variety of available goodies, so she may be perfectly fine with “just hooking up” and enjoying you one night at a time.

 

About the Author:

Kimberly2Kimberley Jasper is pursuing her Bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from the University of Houston. She is currently an accomplished self-published author of three novels, with the release of her fourth being greatly anticipated. From horror fiction with a mystical twist, to erotic thrillers, she is able to do it all with well-seasoned finesse.  Kimberley gives every genre of her writing the same drive and devotion.  Formerly a public-speaker, she still mentors women of all ages with a series entitled “A Woman’s Work”.

She is a returning freelance writer for Sistah’s Place, Maya’s Blog Showcase, and formerly Urban Image Magazine.

Website: https://mkt.com/krjasperwrites

Twitter: @mariasdghtr

IG: @krjasperwrites

Feature Photo credit: https://classic105.com/positive-thinking-could-extend-your-lifespan-heres-how-good-thoughts-will-cut-your-risk-of-early-death/

 

 

I gave her flowers today

I gave her flowers today to make her smile.   I gave her flowers to help ease the pain of the blows she accepts without a word or tear.   I gave her flowers today in lieu of a lecture that would tell her enough is enough. It’s time to stand up and walk away. 

 I gave her flowers today with the hopes that she will see that  someone else loves her too.. why not love herself. I gave her flowers today not to justify his actions of abuse. 

I gave her flowers today with the determined heart to show her that love should not hurt. I gave her flowers today to let her know that she is the victim and it’s not her fault. I gave her flowers today to encourage her that I will stand by her side. I gave her flowers today to show her that I will not judge her. 

I gave her flowers today to show her that I am ready to walk with her through the storms of  what we call life. I gave her flowers today to show her what a true friend means.

 I gave her flowers today to represent the strength she has to be free. I gave her flowers today to just say I love you. Finally, I gave her flowers today for the last time.  

For today would be that dreadful day that I said good bye one last time as we lay her to rest. I gave her flowers today.  No more punches, no more blows to the ribs, no more slaps to the face. No more tears for I said good bye today. I gave her flowers today. 

I gave her flowers today for the last time. I said good bye to my friend today. For she will feel no more pain from her abuser because the last time he hit her, he took her life. I gave her flowers today one last time. 

Those Pesky Gasses!! by Felecia Tucker

With all the weather episodes our world is facing one can’t help but stop and ask why? Is it the normal cycle of climate or are we humans leaving a mark that has propelled us into a dangerous place and is there a way out? I know many of you have heard of Global Warming before. This idea of Global Warming has been tossed to and fro from just about every political figure and religious organization across not only this country but the world.

 

Recent activities has again started the chatter about this intriguing yet needful conversation about Global Warming. What is it and is it really the cause of so much destruction?

Many years ago I watched a documentary called The Inconvenient Truth with former Vice President Al Gore. He presented scientific insight on the direction of our world as it relates to fossil fuels, greenhouse gasses, and the role humans play in harming our beloved Planet Earth. He spoke about how vehicle emissions, factory pollution, and deforestation has caused the instability of our atmosphere.

 

Humans of course are major contributors to our atmospheric demise, primarily oil companies. According to scientific studies this is the major cause of dangerous weather conditions. Earth is heating up because of those pesky greenhouse gasses. 

 

There are some government officials who claim that Global Warming is a hoax and there are others that look at the facts, evidence, and listen to scientific reasoning. Many countries across the world have joined in and pledged to take the necessary steps to slow down and even stop activities that contribute to the destruction of our planet. Our current administration refuses to be a part of the Global Warming solution. Many organizations have taken it upon themselves to take action to help save Planet Earth.

There is still much to be done and we all should do our part. Making small lifestyle changes can make a difference.

  • Driving less or carpooling will limit the amount of fuel being emitted into the air.
  • Reduce, Reuse, Recycle will limit the amount of waste. Remember trash has to be dealt with and no matter how it is disposed, it causes harm to the planet.
  • Go solar, solar energy is more of a reality now then in years past.
  • Plant a tree, they not only give oxygen but take in carbon dioxide.

This very short list is just a start but there is so much more you can do to help our planet. It is up to us all to make a mindful decision to be a part of the solution and not the problem. President Barack Obama states, “climate change, its a threat that may define the contours of this century more than just about anything else.” How will you contribute towards stopping Global Warming? Our future depends on it!

 

 

About our Author:

Felecia is an educator and a blogger. She is working on her debut children’s chapter book Trudy, Swimming Against the Odds due out July 2015. Felecia resides in Hollywood, FL. bewareofed@blogspot.com

Felecia Tucker M.Ed

7 Fears a Woman has of Marriage-by Kimberly Jasper

Everyone knows that men are terrified of commitment, but it’s a little-known fact that women are as well. Most men may even think that women are always trying to trap them into marriage, and that is simply not the case. Women have just as many fears, if not more, than men do. Here are seven fears that women have when it comes to marriage.

1. HIS MOTHER
What is it about his mother that has the wife so afraid? Becoming just like her one day. Every wife wants to be her own woman, not a replica of his mother. She did her job, and now it’s time for the wife to do hers. Not simply pick up where his mother left off, but to begin a new venture with her husband by her side. Two Queen Bees cannot exist in the same hive, so he should protect his hive by allowing his wife to be the only Queen. A mother’s advice is always welcome, but it is not the law, and a wife simply needs room to find her own way.

2. THEY’LL HAVE TO BECOME INSTANT HOMEMAKERS
When the two first met, he did his own laundry, cleaned up after himself, and even prepared an occasional meal or two. Now that the Honeymoon is over, she is thrust into the “homemaker” role. No longer cleaning up after himself, no help with the dishes, or household chores, all of a sudden he is totally helpless, and a terrible housemate. The expectation that the wife will now take care of everything is unfair, she did not sign up to be Molly Maid. She just wants respect as a wife; homemaking will come naturally, and on her own terms.

3. HE WON’T FIND HER SEXY ANYMORE
Women are terrified that marriage will mean the end of sex as they know it. First thing to go is foreplay because now that sex is “in-house”, it’s guaranteed. Once she becomes the “wife”, the appeal is gone, and she will somehow morph into the role of his mother. Maybe it was the chase he was attracted to, and now that he’s caught her, the game is over…and so is the sex. Believe it or not, women want sex just as much, if not more, than men do. Foreplay is key, and as long as stays in effect, sex is on tap!

4. HE NO LONGER COMMUNICATES
He used to be very attentive, sending little notes or texts, now he hardly talks anymore. Of course marriage will bring about more issues, but they can be easily worked out with open communication. A couple should carve out time to discuss marital issues and he should try not to “hide” when she needs to discuss the bills, his mother, or any other problem that arises. It is the husband’s job to keep the peace, and all she needs is for him to listen and take action. He becomes King to her when there’s love in the castle.

5. HER DREAM GUY SHOWS UP
For those women not lucky enough to find their dream guy, the fear is that just when they marry Mr. Right, Mr. Dreamy will show up. It may sound superficial, but this is a real fear, same as the fear men have. Shake it off ladies; Mr. Dreamy is just an illusion! Your dream guy is exactly where he belongs…in your dreams. Don’t be lured by this apparition, this man only exists in Zane novels or Tyler Perry movies, depending on your preference.

6. HER SHOPPING DAYS ARE OVER
The whole “what’s mine is ours” thing is more terrifying for women than men think. Women fear that once they start mixing credit card and bank accounts, they will be expected to be thriftier with their spending. It may seem trivial to men, but retail therapy is very real, and is surely the cure to many of her ills. It also allows her a sense of freedom not to have to answer for a pair of shoes or another handbag. As long as her respective bills are paid and the house is taken care of, let the wife continue to get her shop on!

7. LOSS OF INDEPENDENCE AND EQUALITY
She used to go out all the time with her girls, now she has to “check in” or feels like she has to ask for permission to do what she used to do freely. Not that there shouldn’t be some couple courtesy given when hanging out, but women fear that their smartphone will become the new ball and chain. Friday nights with the boys are continued without question; the same courtesy should be afforded to her as well. Discuss this as a couple, choose one or two weekends for family, friends and relatives and reserve the other two for date nights and couple activities. This will help you stay connected as a couple and dispel the feeling that limitations are exclusive to the wife.

About Author:
Kimberly R. JasperKimberley Jasper is pursuing her Bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from the University of Houston. She is currently an accomplished self-published author of three novels, with the release of her fourth being greatly anticipated. From horror fiction with a mystical twist, to erotic thrillers, she is able to do it all with well-seasoned finesse. Kimberley gives every genre of her writing the same drive and devotion. Formerly a public-speaker, she still mentors women of all ages with a series entitled “A Woman’s Work”. She is a returning freelance writer for Sistah’s Place, Maya’s Blog Showcase, and formerly Urban Image Magazine.
Website: https://mkt.com/krjasperwrites
Twitter: @mariasdghtr
IG: @krjasperwrites
Feature Photo credit: http://www.healthyblackwoman.com/healthy-mind-how-avoiding-feelings-can-make-you-sick-like-having-festering-wounds/

 

 

Get Out -By Selena Haskins

You may have watched TV Shows like Cold Case, The First 48, or The Coroner, and many of those shows are based on real-life crimes. The investigation makes you curious and you hope that justice prevailed by the end of the episode. Well, recently, I wanted justice for two women. One was pregnant and murdered by her boyfriend and the other was pregnant as well and severely burned by her boyfriend. I said to myself, ‘why didn’t they GET OUT???’

After my anger cooled down at the men who committed these terrible acts, my mind began to analyze the subject of domestic violence. I realized it was probably not easy for those women to get out, and when one of them did leave, maybe it was too late. I absolutely loathe domestic violence, and I hate the acts of men who abuse or even kill a woman, but it also saddens me that some women choose to stay.

Stand By Your Man sang Tammy Wynette, and many women do stand by their men— with a blacked-eye and busted lip. They will defend their man even til’ his death or her own. Why? Perhaps their mothers stayed in abusive relationships or maybe they feel like they’re not smart enough or have enough money to survive on their own or they’re too afraid to leave. To quote a character from my book, A River Moves Forward, “the only excuse for a man who abuses women are the ones we give him.” Pray for the courage to leave, educate yourself, learn to make your own decisions, and to say NO to others without regrets. The more a woman can do for herself, the less she will have to depend on a man. Gone are the days of yesterday when he once romanticized you in a cunning way. What’s the reality?

An abusive man may have seemed sweet, kind, and respectful, but if a woman plays the scenes of yesterday all the way through in her mind, she just may notice some red flags that she missed. What should a woman do when she sees the red flags? Should she wait it out? Time won’t change a man the man must change himself, and he can only do that if he recognizes he has a problem and is willing to seek help. Remember, an abusive man is a sick man. You cannot heal him. The longer you stay in an abusive relationship, the harder it will be to leave.

Men who abuse women may have been abused themselves or witnessed domestic violence in their household. They may have also experienced a really bad break up and believe that if they allow themselves to be vulnerable again, that a woman will take advantage of him, so he becomes controlling. His control makes him feel powerful, and then he starts to become verbally abusive, and the verbal abuse leads to physical abuse, and ultimately the physical abuse leads to murder. Whatever other reasons psychologically or via his experiences in life, it is still NO excuse for him to abuse a woman, and he should seek help immediately!  In the meantime, be more concerned about your safety and your own life. Here is a list of some red flags you should not ignore.

  • Possessive and obsessive behavior – He wants to know your every move. Acts suspicious of others, especially other men. He isolates you from friends and family by having you cancel events or visits with them. He pays for everything including your rent, but it’s only to control what you wear or what you do.
  • Gets easily angry over little things.
  • Smacks you, because you made him jealous or didn’t do what he said, and then he showers you with more gifts and promises not to do it again.
  • He insists on having his way and does not compromise or consider your needs and feelings.
  • Abuses drugs or alcohol, and his abuse worsen while under the influence.
  • Threatens to kill you or himself if you leave.
  • He has a history of abusing women or violent criminal record.
  • He is always the victim. Nothing is his fault; it’s yours or somebody else’s.

GET OUT! Seek help from a family member or trusted friend. Call the domestic violence Hotline for professional guidance on this matter: 1-800-799-7233.

Photo Credits:  Pinterest board: articles.familylobby.com

Writer:  Selena Haskin

Selena-1058She is a native Washington who enjoys music, spirituality, basketball, and spending quality time with her family. As a young girl, Selena always had a vivid imagination, and would tell make-believe stories to her friends. As a teenager, Selena begin to journal her personal thoughts, and write poetry. Before long, her talent for writing was recognized by her high school English teacher, who encouraged her to write articles for the school newspaper. The articles motivated Selena to write many stories and essays, mostly as a hobby. After completing high school, Selena would major in English at Johnson C. Smith University, and the University of the District of Columbia

Website: http://www.booksbyselena.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/authorselena.haskins?ref=bookmarks

Twitter: https://twitter.com/BooksbySelena

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/booksbyselena/

 

 

Wake Up by Toni Larue

“Don’t be in such a hurry to condemn a person because he doesn’t do what you do, or think as you think or as fast. There was a time when you didn’t know what you know today.” ~Malcolm X

What does it mean to be woke?

Does it mean that I’m against my people when I don’t buy everything from Black owned businesses? Am I an insult to my people when I wear weaves and artificial nails? Am I the enemy for having friends of different racial backgrounds?  Am I not woke because I believe in the political system, economic system??? Am I not woke because I don’t think every decision made for me or against me is because of the color of my skin?

I know this article is different from previous, but I felt that is was relevant because mindset plays a huge role in how successful we are as a community, whether it be financial, physical, mental and/or spiritual.

I had a discussion with some friends about what it meant to be conscious and It amazed me how many definitions, some I listed above, that people had. Like the feminist movement, a plethora of definitions consume the actual meaning. It gets buried in the quick sand and before you know it everyone is living their own definition of WOKE.

I’d like to think I’m woke.  I am aware of systematic racism and oppression that hinders the development and growth of my people. I try to do my part by using my platforms, supporting my people in their endeavors and educating them on solutions that we need to conquer collectively. However, I’m nothing like the top tier of WOKE people like Brother Polight and Red Pill and Blue pill and many more, but does that make me less of an influence? Or does is work like your carbon footprint? With every bottle you recycle you make the world a better place?

I’m telling you guys, I searched the net and YouTube and anything else I could find to give an accurate definition of what it meant to be woke and what I got was a matter of perspective and perception.

So, like many other people, I’ve come to my own conclusion (lol). The two quotes I included are from Malcolm X and Angela Davis, both these individuals did their part for the betterment of the Black community. But they weren’t perfect. They weren’t perfect and they made an impression in our future. So, I’m saying all this to say…do your part but don’t worry about how woke you are because you can never be something that isn’t clearly defined.

“I’m not longer accepting the things I cannot change…I’m changing the things I cannot accept.” ~ Angela Davis

 

There is Beauty in EVERYTHING by Simone Carter

“I think there is beauty in everything. What ‘normal’ people would perceive as ugly, I can usually see something of beauty in it.”  Alexander McQueen

She is beautiful with every curve and every curve speaks LOUD. Size 18 with 38 waist honey those numbers don’t define you. Plus size, full figured honey those are not your name.  You are beautifully curvaceous. Don’t measure your beauty by someone else’s definition of beauty or standards. Oh no because today’s  society doesn’t live up to its own dimensions let alone their real measurements.

She is beautiful with every curve and every curve speaks LOUD.  Be that courageous woman, not hiding behind black because the trend of the day says black makes you look slimmer. Oh no, wear those LOUD colors that match your essences and enhance all of you.

You are beautiful with every curve and every curve speaks LOUD so why do you allow people to silence you?

 

photo credit: Pinterest board Trendy Curves.com

 

FIVE SIGNS HE’S NOT READY FOR MARRIAGE by Kimberly R. Jasper

It’s not always a matter of whether or not he’s into you.

A man can be really into you, and still not be ready for that big commitment.  It started out as a fling for him, he thought you were cool, great in bed, and generally great to be around.  But he was in no way thinking marriage.  You hinted, suggested, and finally flat out asked him, maybe an ultimatum was involved.  However you managed to get him to agree to take that walk down the aisle, please take into consideration that the only one who really stands to lose, is you.  If a man is ill-equipped in a relationship, there will be many growing pains as he stumbles along the way in a marriage.  Here are five signs you need to watch out for before dragging him down the aisle.

  1. HE STILL ACTS SINGLE

He sees nothing wrong with a little harmless flirting, and genuinely enjoys the attention of other women.  First off, there is no such thing as “harmless” flirting when you’re in a relationship.  His need for female attention says more about how he feels about himself, than his feelings for you.  If he tells you that he loves “women”, and can’t quite take the plural out of the equation, then he is definitely not the one for you.  It does not matter how long the two of you have been together, being forced into a serious relationship is not likely going to make him change.  There’s nothing but heartbreak and infidelity for you down that road, steer clear.  Let him go, and wait for the one who is ready for what you want.

  1. HE’S SELFISH

Ok, so we’re all a little selfish to some degree, there is nothing at all wrong with that.  But a selfish man is no good in any kind of relationship, since all relationships require lots of giving and sharing.  That includes, time, family, money, and himself.  If he can’t give any of those things, then you are alone in your relationship.  When you find that he is more into himself than he is into you, that is a bad sign, and does not make for a blissful future.  All relationships are give and take, but if you are doing all the giving, and he’s doing all the taking, that is just a recipe for disaster.  A man who is serious about you will give freely, without you having to ask.

  1. INCONSIDERATE OF YOUR TIME

A stable man with a full life will be considerate of your time, because he will be effectively spending his as well.  If he’s always working or out hanging out with his boys, but wants you to drop everything whenever he decides it’s your turn, that is not a sign of a good long-term partner.  A good partner will value you and your time.  He will find time to spend with you that does not cause an inconvenience.  He will make sure that you are a priority right along with his career, friends and family.  If he does not or cannot make you a priority, then he is not ready.  Never make someone a priority that treats you like an option.

  1. HE DOESN’T DISCUSS A FUTURE WITH YOU

He does not discuss the future with you, and when he does, there is always something missing.  You.  It does not take a man as long to figure it out as we are often led to believe.  Just like us, they know instantly if they can “see” themselves with you long term.  He may not instantly think “marriage”, but he will instantly think in terms of longevity.  Men have an image of the ideal wife, just as we have an image of the ideal husband.  If you do not fit that image, he will know it right away.  He may not readily clue you in, but he’ll know it, and it will show up every time he discusses a future that does not include you.  A man who sees a future with you, and is ready to take it to the next step, will speak in those terms.

  1. SEX IS ALWAYS ABOUT HIM

Before walking down the aisle, remember that this will be your partner for life.  The last man you will ever sleep with.  You’d better make sure that he can properly take care of your physical needs.  If he is a selfish lover, that’s not ever going to change.  A giving sexual partner is not a technique that can be taught, either he is or he isn’t.  If foreplay is nonexistent, and he spends the entire five minutes only ensuring his own pleasure, then it is only a matter of time before you will become sexually frustrated.  Seven out of ten arguments between couples can be solved with great sex, or even a good quickie.  Maybe eight.  If he is not handling his business “down there”, then he’s not handling it anywhere.  Marriage is no place for the selfish.  Sex will not be the only place it will show up, but I guarantee it will be the source of every fight between you.

About Author:

Kimberly R. JasperKimberley Jasper is pursuing her Bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from the University of Houston. She is currently an accomplished self-published author of three novels, with the release of her fourth being greatly anticipated. From horror fiction with a mystical twist, to erotic thrillers, she is able to do it all with well-seasoned finesse.  Kimberley gives every genre of her writing the same drive and devotion.  Formerly a public-speaker, she still mentors women of all ages with a series entitled “A Woman’s Work”.  She is a returning freelance writer for Sistah’s Place, Maya’s Blog Showcase, and formerly Urban Image Magazine.

Website: https://mkt.com/krjasperwrites

Twitter: @mariasdghtr

IG: @krjasperwrites

Feature Photo credit: http://bruthamag.com/2014/03/04/can-she-propose/