RELATIONSHIP RE-DESIGN: EIGHT SECRETS OF A SUCCESSFUL COUPLE By Kimberly Jasper

Having too much to do is a common cause of stress.  Organization drives relationships in a positive direction.  The benefits of using these organizing principles are very real, as more time with your significant other allows the relationship to grow.  Spending a little time developing a system that makes sense for both of you will save you all sorts of stress down the road, and leave more time for the two of you to spend doing the things you want to do.

A couple with less stress is going to be a whole lot happier.  Prioritizing the “business” of your relationship is why some couples happily go the distance, and so many others throw in the relationship towel along the way.  The truth is that relationship happiness does not occur by accident.  It is important for couples be ready and willing to work to maintain and grow their relationships, happy couples work wisely at building their love.  They realize that a relationship left on autopilot will tend to veer off course to crash and burn.

  1. WEEKLY “TEAM” MEETING

Having a meeting each week keeps the lines of communication open.  Communication is not only the key to success, but effective communication about the things that matter most, the things that keep engines running and fires burning that make the difference.  If you regard your relationship as a “team”, then you will work as one.  Sit down at a table and run this more or less like a business meeting.  The fact is that every relationship has some “business” to it — tasks that need to be taken care of, upcoming projects you need to prepare for, financial concerns and so on.  Houses, cars, gardens, virtually everything, especially relationships, need work to maintain them.  Spending a little time each week focusing on what needs to happen to keep your home running smoothly means that these conversations will happen when they’re supposed to, and don’t “sneak” up on you at the wrong time.

  1. USE A JOINT CALENDAR

Having a calendar is vital for staying organized with commitments.  Sharing these appointments with your partner helps prevent conflicts of scheduling, and it will keep you both reminded of things you are doing together.  Be sure to keep it in a place where both of you can easily refer to it, and update it as often as necessary.  Daily calendars are fine, but it may be beneficial to use a calendar that displays the full month so that upcoming events are visible well in advance.  One partner may be good at reminders, and the other at updating, having the calendar available to both of you can make for teamwork that is more effective and open.

  1. TRACK YOUR FINANCES

Establishing a budget and reconciling your checkbook regularly are great ways to keep track of your finances.  Today’s technology has made it even easier with automated solutions like Mint.com, QuickBooks and Quicken.  Money fights are some of the most common in relationships, so devise a budget plan to make sure that all financial responsibilities are covered.  Having an open discussion about finances before you are over budget or underfunded for the month will make things better for both of you.  It can also highlight strengths and weaknesses that can be accounted for, and resolved, before it gets too out of hand.

  1. STREAMLINE YOUR JOINT FINANCIAL SYSTEM

There are many ways to handle money in a relationship.  However, if you agree to jointly handle money; make the system as streamlined as possible.  Open a joint account that you both pay into, so you can pay bills and move money back and forth if one of you needs to pay the other for something.  Each of you may keep your personal accounts, but this type of central “pool” makes bill sharing easy.  You may set a deadline for the money transfer so that each is aware in enough time if the other is going to be short for the month.  Whatever your system, make moving money an easy thing — the goal is to relieve the stress about your finances.  Again, the focus is on a smoother transfer and healthy maintenance of household or monthly financial obligations.  Open discussions about expectations will alleviate stress and create a happier financial medium for both of you in your relationship.

  1. USE A JOINT SHOPPING LIST

Nothing is worse than getting home from the store and realizing that you forgot something — except, maybe having to run back to the store just to get that one thing.  It is a waste of time and energy, and the odds of it happening doubles when you become a couple.  Now there are two working lists of needs and wants.  Keep a shopping list somewhere you can both see and add to it, and make a final check for anything that is not on the list before you go shopping.  I advise keeping it in the kitchen, that way when you run out of or need to replace an item, you can just add it to the list accordingly.

  1. SAVE FOR GOALS AS A COUPLE

Having savings is important, and so is having goals.  A savings goal is the best of both, and a great way to get organized as a couple.  Planning a trip or a home improvement project?  Figure out how much you need to save each month, and each contribute a certain determined amount to a joint account.  Even if you don’t have combined finances, joint savings accounts can be set up easily or you can do it the old fashioned way and just put it in a shoebox.  Either way, the goal money is tucked away in a separate place where it won’t be spent.  It is also another way to bond in your relationship.  If you are talking about savings goals, you are talking about the future, and what that looks like for the two of you.  That is always a good thing.

  1. DIVIDE UP THE HOUSEHOLD CHORES

Most people do not enjoy housework, but we all agree that it simply must be done.  Splitting the load makes it more bearable rather than to leave it to “whoever” to gets to it.  Chances are it will never get done.  Decide who is responsible for what, and divide the work in a way that gets you both involved in keeping the house clean and running smoothly.  If you don’t mind cooking, but hate the cleanup, you should both agree that one of you cooking means the other cleans up afterwards.  It’s a simple fix that eliminates “messy house” resentment.  It not only shows teamwork, but promotes couple harmony.  It is also another exercise in compromise.  Don’t be so stuck on how it gets done, but focus on the task getting done.  Don’t get hung up in the details of how and why, just get it done.

  1. HAVE A MAIL SYSTEM

Have a system for who gets the mail each day – maybe something like “first one home gets the mail” since it works no matter how much your schedules change.  Once the mail is in the house, have a designated place for it to go so both of you always know where to find it.  Having a spot for mail to come into the house, and for mail that needs to go out, will keep you organized and avoid the stress of looking for a lost bill or important document.  It will also help to eliminate the mail pile because sorting helps to put everything in its pace and prompt immediate action, rather than leaving mail in a pile where important deadlines can be missed.

Photo Credits: People Magazine-The Obama’s

About the Author:

Kimberley Jasper is pursuing her Bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from the University of Houston. She is currently an accomplished self-published author of three novels, with the greatly anticipated release of her fourth. From horror fiction with a mystical twist, to erotic thrillers, she is able to do it all with well-seasoned finesse.  Kimberley gives every genre of her writing the same drive and devotion.  Formerly a public speaker, she still mentors women of all ages with a series entitled “A Woman’s Work”.

She is a returning freelance writer for Sistah’s Place, Maya’s Blog Showcase, and formerly Urban Image Magazine.

Kimberly2

Website: https://mkt.com/krjasperwrites

Twitter: @mariasdghtr

IG: @krjasperwrites

Feature Photo credit: http://www.mynewhitmanwrites.com/2012/09/remaining-celibate-for-young-singles.html

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Seven Reasons She’s not crying after break up by Kimberly R. Jasper

These days, more and more women are seeking the solace of singlehood.  They’re throwing away the mentality that they need to “settle down” by a certain age, and are perfectly happy with their single status.  Not that there is anything wrong with marriage, but it is not as necessary for a woman’s fulfillment as it was once perceived.  Many more women are coming out and admitting that they are simply happier single.  We need to stop the ideal that a woman is only happy with a man by her side, that is not true in every case.  Women are also much more inclined to walk away from a relationship that no longer serves them without the fear of being alone.  They walk into their newfound freedom with boldness and ambition.  It’s a little condescending to think that a woman can’t have true happiness unless she’s in a relationship.  There is more happiness to be found in walking away from a partnership that no longer feeds your spirit, or elevates you.  Here are just seven reasons why she’s probably not crying after the breakup.

 

  1. SHE LOVES HER OWN SPACE

It’s all hers, and she doesn’t have to share it with anyone.  Her house, her things, her rules.  She can “girl up” the décor if she wants to, and she doesn’t have to clean up behind anybody but herself.  A major part of every relationship is sharing, and since women are natural nurturers, we tend to do the majority of sharing and compromising.  This is a beautiful exchange if with a partner that gives as much as he takes, but every woman has her limit.  Even reciprocal giving can be exhausting.  She is creating her own space, and reclaiming her peace.  Everything she owns is hers, and that is just the way she wants it.

  1. SHE ENJOYS HER FREEDOM

Her life is actually pretty awesome.  She can go where she wants, do what she wants, with who she wants, how she wants, whenever she wants to.  She doesn’t have any ties to anyone, so there’s nothing pulling on her, or tripping her up.  There is no one to answer to, so she doesn’t feel the need to ask for permission, doesn’t have to consider anyone but herself.  This is called freedom.  The ultimate goal is not to be tied or weighed down by the load of a relationship.  She simply enjoys the freedom of doing her own thing with a much lighter load.

 

  1. SHE’S LIVING IT UP

The whole “what’s mine is ours” thing is a real downside for some women in committed relationships.  Retail therapy is the cure to many ills, and some women fear that once they start mixing credit cards and bank accounts, they will be expected to be thriftier with their spending.  No more joint accounts, no more miscellaneous expenses unless they are her own.  No more inquiries or discussions about finances, everything going in or out is all up to her.  Having her money all to herself also allows her the freedom not to have to answer for every pair of shoes or designer handbag.

  1. VARIETY IS THE SPICE OF LIFE

What one can’t do; two or maybe even three can.  Maybe after a long marriage or relationship, she discovers that there really are 31 flavors out there, and she has only tasted two of them.  Variety is indeed the spice that adds new flavor to her single life.  On any given night, she can choose something different as if ordering her favorite take-out.  Want it a little spicy?  Order Italian.  Want it flaming hot?  Get a Rude Boy to quell that hunger.  Want a strong and bold flavor?  Order BBQ or decadent chocolate to satisfy that sweet tooth.  She can indulge in any flavor, and variety wanted, at any time she so pleases.  Tall, short, long, lean, she can have it all…and she will, if she desires.

 

  1. SHE’S DECIDED MARRIAGE IS JUST NOT FOR HER RIGHT NOW

Contrary to popular belief, not every woman wants to be married.  Just as George Clooney once vowed himself to bachelorhood, some women feel the same, but she will reserve the right to amend that if the right one to comes along.  It’s not just money that keeps Oprah from marrying Steadman; she loves and values her freedom as well.  Besides, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.  It may be hard to believe, but there are women out there that are simply more focused on their careers, children and/or themselves, so marriage is not a top priority at the moment.  Just as men have an ideal picture of what the perfect “wife” looks like, women have an ideal as well, and maybe he is not the guy to fit that, so relax.  Let go of the myth that every woman is trying to trap a man into marriage, and grasp the idea that maybe they just don’t want to trap themselves.

  1. SHE’S A FREE SPIRIT

She greatly values the peace that comes with her life as a single woman.  She enjoys Pilates, free and holistic living, meditation, and the occasional hookah.  Balance, spiritual symmetry, inner peace, and stability are all the first things to go in a relationship for a woman with a free spirit.  The introduction of another entity into her personal space may through things off balance.  Only the right energy can maintain the balance of a healthy core.  The disruption of a demanding relationship can cause agitation, and chronic fatigue.  She now feels as if she is confined, and this greatly disturbs her inner peace.  Maybe she feels as if a relationship is jeopardizing her peaceful core, and she’s just not willing to risk it.

  1. SHE ACTUALLY LIKES “JUST HOOKING UP”

She really likes the idea of no strings attached.  Women are extremely sexual creatures, and we are now living in a time when it is acceptable for them explore that part of themselves.  No spending the night, no crowding her space, a call when needed, then it’s back to his own place.  No questions or forced conversations, just keep it quick and cute.  Being exclusive limits the variety of available goodies, so she may be perfectly fine with “just hooking up” and enjoying you one night at a time.

 

About the Author:

Kimberly2Kimberley Jasper is pursuing her Bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from the University of Houston. She is currently an accomplished self-published author of three novels, with the release of her fourth being greatly anticipated. From horror fiction with a mystical twist, to erotic thrillers, she is able to do it all with well-seasoned finesse.  Kimberley gives every genre of her writing the same drive and devotion.  Formerly a public-speaker, she still mentors women of all ages with a series entitled “A Woman’s Work”.

She is a returning freelance writer for Sistah’s Place, Maya’s Blog Showcase, and formerly Urban Image Magazine.

Website: https://mkt.com/krjasperwrites

Twitter: @mariasdghtr

IG: @krjasperwrites

Feature Photo credit: https://classic105.com/positive-thinking-could-extend-your-lifespan-heres-how-good-thoughts-will-cut-your-risk-of-early-death/

 

 

7 Fears a Woman has of Marriage-by Kimberly Jasper

Everyone knows that men are terrified of commitment, but it’s a little-known fact that women are as well. Most men may even think that women are always trying to trap them into marriage, and that is simply not the case. Women have just as many fears, if not more, than men do. Here are seven fears that women have when it comes to marriage.

1. HIS MOTHER
What is it about his mother that has the wife so afraid? Becoming just like her one day. Every wife wants to be her own woman, not a replica of his mother. She did her job, and now it’s time for the wife to do hers. Not simply pick up where his mother left off, but to begin a new venture with her husband by her side. Two Queen Bees cannot exist in the same hive, so he should protect his hive by allowing his wife to be the only Queen. A mother’s advice is always welcome, but it is not the law, and a wife simply needs room to find her own way.

2. THEY’LL HAVE TO BECOME INSTANT HOMEMAKERS
When the two first met, he did his own laundry, cleaned up after himself, and even prepared an occasional meal or two. Now that the Honeymoon is over, she is thrust into the “homemaker” role. No longer cleaning up after himself, no help with the dishes, or household chores, all of a sudden he is totally helpless, and a terrible housemate. The expectation that the wife will now take care of everything is unfair, she did not sign up to be Molly Maid. She just wants respect as a wife; homemaking will come naturally, and on her own terms.

3. HE WON’T FIND HER SEXY ANYMORE
Women are terrified that marriage will mean the end of sex as they know it. First thing to go is foreplay because now that sex is “in-house”, it’s guaranteed. Once she becomes the “wife”, the appeal is gone, and she will somehow morph into the role of his mother. Maybe it was the chase he was attracted to, and now that he’s caught her, the game is over…and so is the sex. Believe it or not, women want sex just as much, if not more, than men do. Foreplay is key, and as long as stays in effect, sex is on tap!

4. HE NO LONGER COMMUNICATES
He used to be very attentive, sending little notes or texts, now he hardly talks anymore. Of course marriage will bring about more issues, but they can be easily worked out with open communication. A couple should carve out time to discuss marital issues and he should try not to “hide” when she needs to discuss the bills, his mother, or any other problem that arises. It is the husband’s job to keep the peace, and all she needs is for him to listen and take action. He becomes King to her when there’s love in the castle.

5. HER DREAM GUY SHOWS UP
For those women not lucky enough to find their dream guy, the fear is that just when they marry Mr. Right, Mr. Dreamy will show up. It may sound superficial, but this is a real fear, same as the fear men have. Shake it off ladies; Mr. Dreamy is just an illusion! Your dream guy is exactly where he belongs…in your dreams. Don’t be lured by this apparition, this man only exists in Zane novels or Tyler Perry movies, depending on your preference.

6. HER SHOPPING DAYS ARE OVER
The whole “what’s mine is ours” thing is more terrifying for women than men think. Women fear that once they start mixing credit card and bank accounts, they will be expected to be thriftier with their spending. It may seem trivial to men, but retail therapy is very real, and is surely the cure to many of her ills. It also allows her a sense of freedom not to have to answer for a pair of shoes or another handbag. As long as her respective bills are paid and the house is taken care of, let the wife continue to get her shop on!

7. LOSS OF INDEPENDENCE AND EQUALITY
She used to go out all the time with her girls, now she has to “check in” or feels like she has to ask for permission to do what she used to do freely. Not that there shouldn’t be some couple courtesy given when hanging out, but women fear that their smartphone will become the new ball and chain. Friday nights with the boys are continued without question; the same courtesy should be afforded to her as well. Discuss this as a couple, choose one or two weekends for family, friends and relatives and reserve the other two for date nights and couple activities. This will help you stay connected as a couple and dispel the feeling that limitations are exclusive to the wife.

About Author:
Kimberly R. JasperKimberley Jasper is pursuing her Bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from the University of Houston. She is currently an accomplished self-published author of three novels, with the release of her fourth being greatly anticipated. From horror fiction with a mystical twist, to erotic thrillers, she is able to do it all with well-seasoned finesse. Kimberley gives every genre of her writing the same drive and devotion. Formerly a public-speaker, she still mentors women of all ages with a series entitled “A Woman’s Work”. She is a returning freelance writer for Sistah’s Place, Maya’s Blog Showcase, and formerly Urban Image Magazine.
Website: https://mkt.com/krjasperwrites
Twitter: @mariasdghtr
IG: @krjasperwrites
Feature Photo credit: http://www.healthyblackwoman.com/healthy-mind-how-avoiding-feelings-can-make-you-sick-like-having-festering-wounds/

 

 

Get Out -By Selena Haskins

You may have watched TV Shows like Cold Case, The First 48, or The Coroner, and many of those shows are based on real-life crimes. The investigation makes you curious and you hope that justice prevailed by the end of the episode. Well, recently, I wanted justice for two women. One was pregnant and murdered by her boyfriend and the other was pregnant as well and severely burned by her boyfriend. I said to myself, ‘why didn’t they GET OUT???’

After my anger cooled down at the men who committed these terrible acts, my mind began to analyze the subject of domestic violence. I realized it was probably not easy for those women to get out, and when one of them did leave, maybe it was too late. I absolutely loathe domestic violence, and I hate the acts of men who abuse or even kill a woman, but it also saddens me that some women choose to stay.

Stand By Your Man sang Tammy Wynette, and many women do stand by their men— with a blacked-eye and busted lip. They will defend their man even til’ his death or her own. Why? Perhaps their mothers stayed in abusive relationships or maybe they feel like they’re not smart enough or have enough money to survive on their own or they’re too afraid to leave. To quote a character from my book, A River Moves Forward, “the only excuse for a man who abuses women are the ones we give him.” Pray for the courage to leave, educate yourself, learn to make your own decisions, and to say NO to others without regrets. The more a woman can do for herself, the less she will have to depend on a man. Gone are the days of yesterday when he once romanticized you in a cunning way. What’s the reality?

An abusive man may have seemed sweet, kind, and respectful, but if a woman plays the scenes of yesterday all the way through in her mind, she just may notice some red flags that she missed. What should a woman do when she sees the red flags? Should she wait it out? Time won’t change a man the man must change himself, and he can only do that if he recognizes he has a problem and is willing to seek help. Remember, an abusive man is a sick man. You cannot heal him. The longer you stay in an abusive relationship, the harder it will be to leave.

Men who abuse women may have been abused themselves or witnessed domestic violence in their household. They may have also experienced a really bad break up and believe that if they allow themselves to be vulnerable again, that a woman will take advantage of him, so he becomes controlling. His control makes him feel powerful, and then he starts to become verbally abusive, and the verbal abuse leads to physical abuse, and ultimately the physical abuse leads to murder. Whatever other reasons psychologically or via his experiences in life, it is still NO excuse for him to abuse a woman, and he should seek help immediately!  In the meantime, be more concerned about your safety and your own life. Here is a list of some red flags you should not ignore.

  • Possessive and obsessive behavior – He wants to know your every move. Acts suspicious of others, especially other men. He isolates you from friends and family by having you cancel events or visits with them. He pays for everything including your rent, but it’s only to control what you wear or what you do.
  • Gets easily angry over little things.
  • Smacks you, because you made him jealous or didn’t do what he said, and then he showers you with more gifts and promises not to do it again.
  • He insists on having his way and does not compromise or consider your needs and feelings.
  • Abuses drugs or alcohol, and his abuse worsen while under the influence.
  • Threatens to kill you or himself if you leave.
  • He has a history of abusing women or violent criminal record.
  • He is always the victim. Nothing is his fault; it’s yours or somebody else’s.

GET OUT! Seek help from a family member or trusted friend. Call the domestic violence Hotline for professional guidance on this matter: 1-800-799-7233.

Photo Credits:  Pinterest board: articles.familylobby.com

Writer:  Selena Haskin

Selena-1058She is a native Washington who enjoys music, spirituality, basketball, and spending quality time with her family. As a young girl, Selena always had a vivid imagination, and would tell make-believe stories to her friends. As a teenager, Selena begin to journal her personal thoughts, and write poetry. Before long, her talent for writing was recognized by her high school English teacher, who encouraged her to write articles for the school newspaper. The articles motivated Selena to write many stories and essays, mostly as a hobby. After completing high school, Selena would major in English at Johnson C. Smith University, and the University of the District of Columbia

Website: http://www.booksbyselena.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/authorselena.haskins?ref=bookmarks

Twitter: https://twitter.com/BooksbySelena

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/booksbyselena/

 

 

FIVE SIGNS HE’S NOT READY FOR MARRIAGE by Kimberly R. Jasper

It’s not always a matter of whether or not he’s into you.

A man can be really into you, and still not be ready for that big commitment.  It started out as a fling for him, he thought you were cool, great in bed, and generally great to be around.  But he was in no way thinking marriage.  You hinted, suggested, and finally flat out asked him, maybe an ultimatum was involved.  However you managed to get him to agree to take that walk down the aisle, please take into consideration that the only one who really stands to lose, is you.  If a man is ill-equipped in a relationship, there will be many growing pains as he stumbles along the way in a marriage.  Here are five signs you need to watch out for before dragging him down the aisle.

  1. HE STILL ACTS SINGLE

He sees nothing wrong with a little harmless flirting, and genuinely enjoys the attention of other women.  First off, there is no such thing as “harmless” flirting when you’re in a relationship.  His need for female attention says more about how he feels about himself, than his feelings for you.  If he tells you that he loves “women”, and can’t quite take the plural out of the equation, then he is definitely not the one for you.  It does not matter how long the two of you have been together, being forced into a serious relationship is not likely going to make him change.  There’s nothing but heartbreak and infidelity for you down that road, steer clear.  Let him go, and wait for the one who is ready for what you want.

  1. HE’S SELFISH

Ok, so we’re all a little selfish to some degree, there is nothing at all wrong with that.  But a selfish man is no good in any kind of relationship, since all relationships require lots of giving and sharing.  That includes, time, family, money, and himself.  If he can’t give any of those things, then you are alone in your relationship.  When you find that he is more into himself than he is into you, that is a bad sign, and does not make for a blissful future.  All relationships are give and take, but if you are doing all the giving, and he’s doing all the taking, that is just a recipe for disaster.  A man who is serious about you will give freely, without you having to ask.

  1. INCONSIDERATE OF YOUR TIME

A stable man with a full life will be considerate of your time, because he will be effectively spending his as well.  If he’s always working or out hanging out with his boys, but wants you to drop everything whenever he decides it’s your turn, that is not a sign of a good long-term partner.  A good partner will value you and your time.  He will find time to spend with you that does not cause an inconvenience.  He will make sure that you are a priority right along with his career, friends and family.  If he does not or cannot make you a priority, then he is not ready.  Never make someone a priority that treats you like an option.

  1. HE DOESN’T DISCUSS A FUTURE WITH YOU

He does not discuss the future with you, and when he does, there is always something missing.  You.  It does not take a man as long to figure it out as we are often led to believe.  Just like us, they know instantly if they can “see” themselves with you long term.  He may not instantly think “marriage”, but he will instantly think in terms of longevity.  Men have an image of the ideal wife, just as we have an image of the ideal husband.  If you do not fit that image, he will know it right away.  He may not readily clue you in, but he’ll know it, and it will show up every time he discusses a future that does not include you.  A man who sees a future with you, and is ready to take it to the next step, will speak in those terms.

  1. SEX IS ALWAYS ABOUT HIM

Before walking down the aisle, remember that this will be your partner for life.  The last man you will ever sleep with.  You’d better make sure that he can properly take care of your physical needs.  If he is a selfish lover, that’s not ever going to change.  A giving sexual partner is not a technique that can be taught, either he is or he isn’t.  If foreplay is nonexistent, and he spends the entire five minutes only ensuring his own pleasure, then it is only a matter of time before you will become sexually frustrated.  Seven out of ten arguments between couples can be solved with great sex, or even a good quickie.  Maybe eight.  If he is not handling his business “down there”, then he’s not handling it anywhere.  Marriage is no place for the selfish.  Sex will not be the only place it will show up, but I guarantee it will be the source of every fight between you.

About Author:

Kimberly R. JasperKimberley Jasper is pursuing her Bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from the University of Houston. She is currently an accomplished self-published author of three novels, with the release of her fourth being greatly anticipated. From horror fiction with a mystical twist, to erotic thrillers, she is able to do it all with well-seasoned finesse.  Kimberley gives every genre of her writing the same drive and devotion.  Formerly a public-speaker, she still mentors women of all ages with a series entitled “A Woman’s Work”.  She is a returning freelance writer for Sistah’s Place, Maya’s Blog Showcase, and formerly Urban Image Magazine.

Website: https://mkt.com/krjasperwrites

Twitter: @mariasdghtr

IG: @krjasperwrites

Feature Photo credit: http://bruthamag.com/2014/03/04/can-she-propose/

 

 

Give The Ring Back by Amy Michelle

We’ve all seen this post floating around since Evelyn Lozado, has called off yet another engagement. How is she even on Basketball Wives when technically she’s never been a wife?! Only one or two of them are actually still married to a ball player but they’re retired! I do not hate in any kind of way, Eva is actually one of my favorites on the show but it brings the social media world to a good question….
Is it okay to keep the engagement ring after you both decide it’s not the best idea to get married?       Seriously let’s think about this question from the guy’s first. He bought the ring that she wanted and she accepted it obviously, when or if he proposed. Sometimes you run across a couple that just went to the jewelry store together, picked out a cute ring, bought it and set a date as they drove home. It happens; maybe that sporadic behavior is the reason why the engagement is called off in the first place.

However it happened, he saved his coins and took thought into not buying some crap he didn’t need for the bachelor pad. He made the purchase so why can’t he return the ring and get his money back just like we return gently used things to Walmart because they take EVERYTHING back! Actually he would only get some of his money back because I’ve heard of some jewelers that only give you 20% back for what the ring is worth.

It’s a huge risk buying something so expensive on hope that it works out for the best. So why can’t he get his money back when the ex-fiancé moves everything out the house and scratch his rims us? Why would she want to keep it?       Now as a female, personally I wouldn’t want the damn ring! Whatever reason we had to end an embarrassing engagement he must really be scum and I wouldn’t want any reminder of him.

I would be like home girl Lisa from Coming To America when she gave The Prince 👑 those gorgeous ruby earrings back! “Bye Felix! 🖕🏾” But there are some women that feel entitled to the ring as payment or pain and suffering of having to put up with the guy throughout the duration of their relationship. I can understand that as well, but why? Why do you want to be reminded of it?!

Maybe there was even an instant where the cost of the wedding was split in half and somehow she contributed to the funds of paying for the rings…then is it okay to keep it? Just because a woman wants to keep the engagement ring doesn’t make her an automatic gold digger. There are so many contributing factors that leave us being judgmental about people we know nothing about. At the end of the day, we hopeless romantics dream of happily ever after and sometimes it just doesn’t work out that way.

It happens to the best of us AND the worst of us sometimes. We just have to be ladies about it, “Suck it up Buttercup!”, is what my daughter use to say. I don’t know about you dolls, but sound off….is it fair to give it back or are we actually saving these guys the embarrassment of only getting 20% of their purchase back? …now on the occasion that I feel like his sneaky, cheap butt would give the ring I picked out for myself to his next girlfriend or new fiancé….I would definitely keep that shit.

Hopeless Realist Romantic,

Amy Michelle

What Every ‘Hopeless Romantic” Needs to Know By Amy Michelle

Numeral Uno…..! Disney brainwashed us our whole lives!

All my life I’ve been the typical girl. Waiting for boy meets girl, girl falls in love with boy, girl and boys gets married and then comes the baby in the baby carriage. You know how the nursery rhyme goes.  I was nursing baby dolls until I was 12, had my wedding planned by 16 with all the flowers color coordinated with the season and my girls that I ate lunch with in 5th period were going to be my bridesmaid with coordinating hairstyles to match.  Did I mention I wasn’t sure who the groom was at the time? It was just easy to fill in the blank until further notice. I was ready for the big Cinderella dress and my Prince Charming to match!  Weren’t we all?

Fast forward ten years later, a number of relationships in the garbage, and here we are…

Yes We. Me and you Sistah. We are living our 30’s single and wondering what happened to all those promises life sprinkled us with when we were just babies. We were doomed from the start because these stupid guys breaking our hearts did not grow up watching the same movies we did. Didn’t they know we were waiting for them to grow up and rescue us from the wicked stepmother?

At least I know when I tried to make my sandbox crush marry me at recess, he would rather play with his friends or bugs. The similarities of the two always confused me. Guys aren’t designed to be like Walt Disney animated, the guys in the movies were always handsome and could sing, they knew that being a jerk wasn’t always the way to win the girl their heart skipped a beat for. I catch myself sitting down watching movies with my 12 year old daughter and I’ll have to stop myself from spoiling the scenes by telling her, “You sneak out this underwater cave if you want to and make a deal with a witch for some guy…I’m going to beat you!”

At least they got one thing right, you can wish to make someone fall in love with you.

Number 2!……. Love is real…real hard, real testy, but really worth it with the right person.

It doesn’t matter if you’ve been in love twice or twelve times, when you choose to love someone possibly more than you love yourself things start to become difficult. Maybe our feeling gets hurt because we expected perfection and flowers everyday but instead ended up with a farting toad and a trail of broken hearts. It’s easier to love a pair of Jessica Simpson’s than it is to lose the guy you’ve been dating for three months to propose. Unlike those damn Disney movies again, some love just doesn’t come out and hold a sign for you to tell you this is Mr. Right.

While I’m on the subject..

Number 3!! Every horoscope or Instagram quote is NOT a “sign” to be a thot

Call it a sign from above, a motivational Monday, whatever you want to call the reason your MCM (male crush Monday) has not clue you exist. Do you ever sit back and think about who actually comes up with these ridiculous quotes trying to help single women feel worse about themselves being single? Well I have! And to be honest a lot of these quotes don’t make any sense. You’ll see a beautiful picture of a happy couple on their wedding day with a quote saying “ If he don’t cook for you, he ain’t the one”.

Excuse me? Say what now? What does that have to do with a relationship, a real one at that.

You have to use common sense when it comes to dating, not signs from your social media timelines. It’s so easy to get caught up in the smell of new baes cologne during a first date. That doesn’t mean give in to everything you want immediately. Take time to learn him and learn yourself while being around him. You know that episode of Being Mary Jane when she was going to meet a date she was always weak for, before meeting him she made sure to “take care” of her “needs” before seeing him. Trust me it works. Not only will you be in a great mood but you’ll see things that you may have not noticed before.

Trust me.

Hopeless Realist Romantic,

Amy Michelle ❤️

Meet guest writer Amy Michelle:

amyMy goal in life is to help women cut through the bull when it comes to relationships. Relationships with ‘boos’, ‘baes’, boyfriends, husbands, families, kids and especially THEMSELVES. I cut through the black and white curtain of uncertainty to reveal the truth. There’s no grey area to be confused about because it takes so much away from the important things.

 

 

 

(Photo credit: Bitmoji App, Apple, IPhone)

(Reference: Disney, BET Being Mary Jane)

 

 

Relationships 101 By Nancy Collins

Relationships today end quicker than a sew-in weave, at a beauty shop on a Friday night.  By the time you introduce your significant other to your best friend, the relationship is over.  You’re back on the dating website, he’s taking pictures with someone else and posting them on social media.  What could possibly go wrong, that causes people to end romantic relationships, before they even get started?  Well I believe there are a few reasons, as to why this happens to so many great women.

Before attempting to seriously date someone, here are a few steps that I think we should follow.

1)     FOLLOW YOUR GUT INSTICTS:  Do you get a weird feeling about the guy?  That’s your internal alarm telling you, to leave him alone!!!  Don’t sit around waiting for something spectacular to happen.  Get out of there.  Whatever it is about the guy, trust your instincts, it’s something you don’t need in your life.  Smile and move on.

2)     ASK QUESTIONS:  You’ll never find the answers, if you don’t ask questions.  When you’re thinking of being in a relationship with someone, you have every right to ask questions.  Ask the type of questions, which will require an in depth answer.  Not just a simple yes or no answer.  You don’t want to waste your time with a person, who’s not going in the same direction as you.  Side note: If he becomes upset at your questioning, you might want to run!

3)     PAY ATTENTION TO HIS ACTIONS: I always say “let observation be your friend.”  Don’t get so caught up in how attractive he is, what he drives, his position on the job, that you miss who he truly is.  Does he reach out to you on a consistent basis?  How does he treat the waiter/waitress at the restaurant, who may be a little nervous?  How does he treat his mother?  A person’s action will sometimes tell you more, than the answers he’s giving you.  Take the blindfold off, and pay attention!!

4)     KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF:  When dating someone new, stop expecting them to “foot” the bill, for all of your expenses.  Were you a shopaholic, before becoming serious with him?  Was he paying your bills before he became, the official man in your life?  If you answered “NO!” to either one of those questions, then put your hands back in your pockets. 

Now let me be clear.  There’s nothing wrong with a man, wanting to spoil his lady.  As a matter of fact it is to be commended.  Also, if a guy is interested in the woman he’s dating, it’s okay to make her feel secure w/him (financially).  However, there’s a difference between a man wanting to do something financially for his woman, versus a woman who’s always in his pockets.  When a woman does that, it doesn’t prove whether or not if he’s a man.  Yet, it will prove that the woman is merely interested in his pockets. 

 Follow my blog at:  https://scarredforbeauty.wordpress.com/

Author Bio:

 Nancy L. CollinsNancy L. Collins is the owner and creator of Your Beauty w/NancyCollins285 aka YourBeauty285.  Under the umbrella of Your Beauty w/NancyCollins285, lies her Creative Ghostwriting business, blog posting, small business marketing, personal consulting, and two upcoming books (to be released in December 2017).  Nancy resides in Atlanta, Georgia with her two children. 

 

SEVEN THINGS A WOMAN SECRETLY LIKES HER MAN TO DO By Kimberly R Jasper

All women shout their independence from the rooftops, but there are still areas that she appreciates her man taking the lead on.  She may not voice it, but secretly, a woman wants to be handled in a way that makes her feel “owned” in the right way.  Take charge, own it, take it…women like that.  Respect and equality are important parts of any relationship, but sometimes a woman just wants a man to be a man, and pull one of these secretly sexy moves on her.

1.        WHEN YOU DON’T ASK

There is something about asking a woman for permission that really takes the momentum out of the mood.  If you pay close enough attention, she’ll let you know exactly what’s what.  Sometimes a woman just wants her man to go for it.  Just take it.  This goes for the bedroom as well.  Take charge, take control, act like you already “own” it.  A woman will gladly give it to you, no permission necessary.

2.        WHEN YOU ASSERT YOURSELF

Ok, don’t take this out of context.  Women love assertion, not control, there is a big difference.  It is in our nature, afterall, to submit.  A woman knows she can get out-of-pocket at times, and if her man gives verbal intervention with a lil of bass in it, she ain’t mad.  There’s just something sexy about a man who is not afraid to put his foot down and assert himself.  A woman wants that same assertion with the check after dinner as well.  Going Dutch may be a popular trend nowadays, but there’s something real unsexy about a man who sits back and waits for a woman to pull out her wallet.  A woman wants to feel like a woman at all times and can’t always do that if her man takes the backseat.  She won’t always admit it, but sometimes it’s cool to tell a woman what to do.  That goes double if those instructions happen behind closed doors.

3.        WHEN YOU STAND UP FOR HER

When a man stands up for his woman’s honor in any and every situation, whether she can handle it herself or not, he’s probably going to get a big “thank you” later on that night.  Anytime a man acts protective, it shows her that he genuinely cares.  This applies even for something as simple as killing a big bad bug.  If given a gas mask, some bug killer and a Timbaland, a woman could handle it herself.  But just because a woman can, doesn’t mean she wants to, it’s always nicer when a man comes to the rescue.  There’s just something sexy about a man who makes sure there’s air in the tires or calls to make sure his woman made it home safely.

4.        WHEN YOU BRING HOME THE BACON

Feminism was about the right to go to work, if a woman wanted to.  There is something so sexy about a man bringing home enough bacon to support whatever choice a woman makes in that respect, and honors her choice.  Being a woman can also mean that she is allowed to love staying at home if that’s her thing.  It’s all connected to a man taking charge and asserting himself as the head of the household.  A woman loves the feeling of being “taken care of”, not to be confused with “kept”.  Whether she admits it or not, it is part of what makes her a woman.

5.        A GOOD SMACK ON THE ASS

This is one of those things with no explanation, a woman just likes it.  It’s an old school move that has never really gone out of style.  Probably dates back to the caveman days.  Although a man is no longer allowed to drag a woman by her hair, she still loves a good smack on the ass.  This is especially effective in the bedroom.  Be the kind of man that holds the door open for her, and then smacks that ass as she walks through.  We love that.

6.        WHEN YOU’RE GOOD WITH YOUR HANDS

A woman knows that not every man is going to be mechanically inclined and some women can even fix it themselves with Google’s help.  But sometimes, there’s just something about watching a man put something together with his hands that makes a woman fantasize about what else he is going to do with those hands.  Women like to be handled a little rough at times.  The best thing a man can do is become “Mr. Fixit” for his woman and be at her beck and call for regular “tune-ups”.

7.        WHEN YOU JUST WANT TO SHOW HER OFF

A woman knows that she’s more than property or a trophy, and that she’s loved for more than just her looks, but it’s always nice to know that her man gets excited by the way she looks and wants to brag.  It is a delicate balance.  We don’t want to feel like a trophy or property, but if a man puts his woman on display for all to see, it shows he’s proud of her.  A woman likes to know that she is appreciated in that way, it’s a feel good type thing.

Author Bio:

Kimberly R. JasperKimberly R. Jasper

Kimberley R. Jasper was raised in Jamaica Queens, New York and still describes herself as a true New Yorker through and through despite currently residing in Humble, Texas with her family. From horror fiction with a mystical twist to erotic thrillers, this author does it all with well-seasoned finesse.

https://squareup.com/market/krjasperwrites

 

Has Marriage become a dirty word? By Felicia Malone

Sooooooo, I am over at Brown Sista and there is a post entitled, “Why Are Women So Pressed to be Married?”

Talk about loaded words, ma. You have got marriage and pressed and why all in one sentence?? lol

I will summarize it for you, if you do not have time to read it. The author is at a social function when women start discussing men and their desire for marriage. The author seems rather annoyed at these women and points out how she is so not one of them -how she is so independent, fulfilled and happy. These women were by default – not.

What the what?

One upon a time, marriage was the rule not the exception. Is it now the figurative pariah? Does wanting to be married and have a lifetime partner someone make you weak, lonely, or that dreaded word – desperate? *insert audible gasp* Are you one of those backward, mentally oppressed women who has not realized her freedom to be single?

I am having a conversation with a guy about the same topic. He is also expressing reservations about marriage. He asks, is that why you are always discussing relationships? Do you want to be married or something?  YESSSSSSS!!!!!!  DUHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

What is so wrong with that? I have set many hard to reach goals in life – education, moving to a new city, my book, and my weight loss. I have many restarts and setbacks. I have decided to make marriage an actual goal. I am not ashamed to admit that. I am very independent, happy, fulfilled and all that good stuff. I will admit this; each and every single time I take out the garbage, I am like – This sucks! I need a husband! REAL TALK! You can draw any conclusion you like. It is your brain not mines. My mind tells me that I must conceive a thing first before it is birthed into reality. I am. I do. I wrote a really thoughtful response on the post. I do behave myself on other people’s blogs, BUT, what I really wanted to say was girl, boo. You ain’t fooling nobody. You know you want to be married, too. Maybe not now but eventually. lol Who wants to be 60 talking ’bout, me an my boyfriend about to go the movies? Chile, the devil is a liar!

Author Bio

Felicia Michelle Malone is a published author and blogger originally from Chicago, Illinois.  She authors the lifestyle blog at www.talulazapple.com and a fitness blog at www.getfitwithfe.com. She was honored to be a semi-finalist in the Proctor & Gamble’s 2014 My Black Is Beautiful Ambassador search.

Website

 http://www.feliciamalone.com/