What Every ‘Hopeless Romantic” Needs to Know By Amy Michelle

Numeral Uno…..! Disney brainwashed us our whole lives!

All my life I’ve been the typical girl. Waiting for boy meets girl, girl falls in love with boy, girl and boys gets married and then comes the baby in the baby carriage. You know how the nursery rhyme goes.  I was nursing baby dolls until I was 12, had my wedding planned by 16 with all the flowers color coordinated with the season and my girls that I ate lunch with in 5th period were going to be my bridesmaid with coordinating hairstyles to match.  Did I mention I wasn’t sure who the groom was at the time? It was just easy to fill in the blank until further notice. I was ready for the big Cinderella dress and my Prince Charming to match!  Weren’t we all?

Fast forward ten years later, a number of relationships in the garbage, and here we are…

Yes We. Me and you Sistah. We are living our 30’s single and wondering what happened to all those promises life sprinkled us with when we were just babies. We were doomed from the start because these stupid guys breaking our hearts did not grow up watching the same movies we did. Didn’t they know we were waiting for them to grow up and rescue us from the wicked stepmother?

At least I know when I tried to make my sandbox crush marry me at recess, he would rather play with his friends or bugs. The similarities of the two always confused me. Guys aren’t designed to be like Walt Disney animated, the guys in the movies were always handsome and could sing, they knew that being a jerk wasn’t always the way to win the girl their heart skipped a beat for. I catch myself sitting down watching movies with my 12 year old daughter and I’ll have to stop myself from spoiling the scenes by telling her, “You sneak out this underwater cave if you want to and make a deal with a witch for some guy…I’m going to beat you!”

At least they got one thing right, you can wish to make someone fall in love with you.

Number 2!……. Love is real…real hard, real testy, but really worth it with the right person.

It doesn’t matter if you’ve been in love twice or twelve times, when you choose to love someone possibly more than you love yourself things start to become difficult. Maybe our feeling gets hurt because we expected perfection and flowers everyday but instead ended up with a farting toad and a trail of broken hearts. It’s easier to love a pair of Jessica Simpson’s than it is to lose the guy you’ve been dating for three months to propose. Unlike those damn Disney movies again, some love just doesn’t come out and hold a sign for you to tell you this is Mr. Right.

While I’m on the subject..

Number 3!! Every horoscope or Instagram quote is NOT a “sign” to be a thot

Call it a sign from above, a motivational Monday, whatever you want to call the reason your MCM (male crush Monday) has not clue you exist. Do you ever sit back and think about who actually comes up with these ridiculous quotes trying to help single women feel worse about themselves being single? Well I have! And to be honest a lot of these quotes don’t make any sense. You’ll see a beautiful picture of a happy couple on their wedding day with a quote saying “ If he don’t cook for you, he ain’t the one”.

Excuse me? Say what now? What does that have to do with a relationship, a real one at that.

You have to use common sense when it comes to dating, not signs from your social media timelines. It’s so easy to get caught up in the smell of new baes cologne during a first date. That doesn’t mean give in to everything you want immediately. Take time to learn him and learn yourself while being around him. You know that episode of Being Mary Jane when she was going to meet a date she was always weak for, before meeting him she made sure to “take care” of her “needs” before seeing him. Trust me it works. Not only will you be in a great mood but you’ll see things that you may have not noticed before.

Trust me.

Hopeless Realist Romantic,

Amy Michelle ❤️

Meet guest writer Amy Michelle:

amyMy goal in life is to help women cut through the bull when it comes to relationships. Relationships with ‘boos’, ‘baes’, boyfriends, husbands, families, kids and especially THEMSELVES. I cut through the black and white curtain of uncertainty to reveal the truth. There’s no grey area to be confused about because it takes so much away from the important things.




(Photo credit: Bitmoji App, Apple, IPhone)

(Reference: Disney, BET Being Mary Jane)



Relationships 101 By Nancy Collins

Relationships today end quicker than a sew-in weave, at a beauty shop on a Friday night.  By the time you introduce your significant other to your best friend, the relationship is over.  You’re back on the dating website, he’s taking pictures with someone else and posting them on social media.  What could possibly go wrong, that causes people to end romantic relationships, before they even get started?  Well I believe there are a few reasons, as to why this happens to so many great women.

Before attempting to seriously date someone, here are a few steps that I think we should follow.

1)     FOLLOW YOUR GUT INSTICTS:  Do you get a weird feeling about the guy?  That’s your internal alarm telling you, to leave him alone!!!  Don’t sit around waiting for something spectacular to happen.  Get out of there.  Whatever it is about the guy, trust your instincts, it’s something you don’t need in your life.  Smile and move on.

2)     ASK QUESTIONS:  You’ll never find the answers, if you don’t ask questions.  When you’re thinking of being in a relationship with someone, you have every right to ask questions.  Ask the type of questions, which will require an in depth answer.  Not just a simple yes or no answer.  You don’t want to waste your time with a person, who’s not going in the same direction as you.  Side note: If he becomes upset at your questioning, you might want to run!

3)     PAY ATTENTION TO HIS ACTIONS: I always say “let observation be your friend.”  Don’t get so caught up in how attractive he is, what he drives, his position on the job, that you miss who he truly is.  Does he reach out to you on a consistent basis?  How does he treat the waiter/waitress at the restaurant, who may be a little nervous?  How does he treat his mother?  A person’s action will sometimes tell you more, than the answers he’s giving you.  Take the blindfold off, and pay attention!!

4)     KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF:  When dating someone new, stop expecting them to “foot” the bill, for all of your expenses.  Were you a shopaholic, before becoming serious with him?  Was he paying your bills before he became, the official man in your life?  If you answered “NO!” to either one of those questions, then put your hands back in your pockets. 

Now let me be clear.  There’s nothing wrong with a man, wanting to spoil his lady.  As a matter of fact it is to be commended.  Also, if a guy is interested in the woman he’s dating, it’s okay to make her feel secure w/him (financially).  However, there’s a difference between a man wanting to do something financially for his woman, versus a woman who’s always in his pockets.  When a woman does that, it doesn’t prove whether or not if he’s a man.  Yet, it will prove that the woman is merely interested in his pockets. 

 Follow my blog at:  https://scarredforbeauty.wordpress.com/

Author Bio:

 Nancy L. CollinsNancy L. Collins is the owner and creator of Your Beauty w/NancyCollins285 aka YourBeauty285.  Under the umbrella of Your Beauty w/NancyCollins285, lies her Creative Ghostwriting business, blog posting, small business marketing, personal consulting, and two upcoming books (to be released in December 2017).  Nancy resides in Atlanta, Georgia with her two children. 



All women shout their independence from the rooftops, but there are still areas that she appreciates her man taking the lead on.  She may not voice it, but secretly, a woman wants to be handled in a way that makes her feel “owned” in the right way.  Take charge, own it, take it…women like that.  Respect and equality are important parts of any relationship, but sometimes a woman just wants a man to be a man, and pull one of these secretly sexy moves on her.

1.        WHEN YOU DON’T ASK

There is something about asking a woman for permission that really takes the momentum out of the mood.  If you pay close enough attention, she’ll let you know exactly what’s what.  Sometimes a woman just wants her man to go for it.  Just take it.  This goes for the bedroom as well.  Take charge, take control, act like you already “own” it.  A woman will gladly give it to you, no permission necessary.


Ok, don’t take this out of context.  Women love assertion, not control, there is a big difference.  It is in our nature, afterall, to submit.  A woman knows she can get out-of-pocket at times, and if her man gives verbal intervention with a lil of bass in it, she ain’t mad.  There’s just something sexy about a man who is not afraid to put his foot down and assert himself.  A woman wants that same assertion with the check after dinner as well.  Going Dutch may be a popular trend nowadays, but there’s something real unsexy about a man who sits back and waits for a woman to pull out her wallet.  A woman wants to feel like a woman at all times and can’t always do that if her man takes the backseat.  She won’t always admit it, but sometimes it’s cool to tell a woman what to do.  That goes double if those instructions happen behind closed doors.


When a man stands up for his woman’s honor in any and every situation, whether she can handle it herself or not, he’s probably going to get a big “thank you” later on that night.  Anytime a man acts protective, it shows her that he genuinely cares.  This applies even for something as simple as killing a big bad bug.  If given a gas mask, some bug killer and a Timbaland, a woman could handle it herself.  But just because a woman can, doesn’t mean she wants to, it’s always nicer when a man comes to the rescue.  There’s just something sexy about a man who makes sure there’s air in the tires or calls to make sure his woman made it home safely.


Feminism was about the right to go to work, if a woman wanted to.  There is something so sexy about a man bringing home enough bacon to support whatever choice a woman makes in that respect, and honors her choice.  Being a woman can also mean that she is allowed to love staying at home if that’s her thing.  It’s all connected to a man taking charge and asserting himself as the head of the household.  A woman loves the feeling of being “taken care of”, not to be confused with “kept”.  Whether she admits it or not, it is part of what makes her a woman.


This is one of those things with no explanation, a woman just likes it.  It’s an old school move that has never really gone out of style.  Probably dates back to the caveman days.  Although a man is no longer allowed to drag a woman by her hair, she still loves a good smack on the ass.  This is especially effective in the bedroom.  Be the kind of man that holds the door open for her, and then smacks that ass as she walks through.  We love that.


A woman knows that not every man is going to be mechanically inclined and some women can even fix it themselves with Google’s help.  But sometimes, there’s just something about watching a man put something together with his hands that makes a woman fantasize about what else he is going to do with those hands.  Women like to be handled a little rough at times.  The best thing a man can do is become “Mr. Fixit” for his woman and be at her beck and call for regular “tune-ups”.


A woman knows that she’s more than property or a trophy, and that she’s loved for more than just her looks, but it’s always nice to know that her man gets excited by the way she looks and wants to brag.  It is a delicate balance.  We don’t want to feel like a trophy or property, but if a man puts his woman on display for all to see, it shows he’s proud of her.  A woman likes to know that she is appreciated in that way, it’s a feel good type thing.

Author Bio:

Kimberly R. JasperKimberly R. Jasper

Kimberley R. Jasper was raised in Jamaica Queens, New York and still describes herself as a true New Yorker through and through despite currently residing in Humble, Texas with her family. From horror fiction with a mystical twist to erotic thrillers, this author does it all with well-seasoned finesse.



Has Marriage become a dirty word? By Felicia Malone

Sooooooo, I am over at Brown Sista and there is a post entitled, “Why Are Women So Pressed to be Married?”

Talk about loaded words, ma. You have got marriage and pressed and why all in one sentence?? lol

I will summarize it for you, if you do not have time to read it. The author is at a social function when women start discussing men and their desire for marriage. The author seems rather annoyed at these women and points out how she is so not one of them -how she is so independent, fulfilled and happy. These women were by default – not.

What the what?

One upon a time, marriage was the rule not the exception. Is it now the figurative pariah? Does wanting to be married and have a lifetime partner someone make you weak, lonely, or that dreaded word – desperate? *insert audible gasp* Are you one of those backward, mentally oppressed women who has not realized her freedom to be single?

I am having a conversation with a guy about the same topic. He is also expressing reservations about marriage. He asks, is that why you are always discussing relationships? Do you want to be married or something?  YESSSSSSS!!!!!!  DUHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

What is so wrong with that? I have set many hard to reach goals in life – education, moving to a new city, my book, and my weight loss. I have many restarts and setbacks. I have decided to make marriage an actual goal. I am not ashamed to admit that. I am very independent, happy, fulfilled and all that good stuff. I will admit this; each and every single time I take out the garbage, I am like – This sucks! I need a husband! REAL TALK! You can draw any conclusion you like. It is your brain not mines. My mind tells me that I must conceive a thing first before it is birthed into reality. I am. I do. I wrote a really thoughtful response on the post. I do behave myself on other people’s blogs, BUT, what I really wanted to say was girl, boo. You ain’t fooling nobody. You know you want to be married, too. Maybe not now but eventually. lol Who wants to be 60 talking ’bout, me an my boyfriend about to go the movies? Chile, the devil is a liar!

Author Bio

Felicia Michelle Malone is a published author and blogger originally from Chicago, Illinois.  She authors the lifestyle blog at www.talulazapple.com and a fitness blog at www.getfitwithfe.com. She was honored to be a semi-finalist in the Proctor & Gamble’s 2014 My Black Is Beautiful Ambassador search.



Six Ways to strengthen your Relationship and Finances-By Kimberly Jasper

How are things on the financial horizon between you and your love?  Are you two making the right choices regarding your finances, or are you struggling with the same old issues?  Many people look to the New Year or their birthday as an opportunity to make changes in their lives for the better.  Check out these money-saving tips couples can start to put into action right now for a better financial future together.


Ideally, everyone would love not to be in debt, but what are your top financial priorities?  Sit down with your partner to discuss pressing matters along with things you would like to achieve in the near and distant future.  It’s even a good idea to make a list and prioritize your efforts.  Doing this together can dispel any financial fears or concerns and alleviate surprises in the future.


In order to reach your money goals together, you’re going to need to save.  Many relationships get into trouble when one person saves and the other spends.  Both of you need to make the commitment to invest in your financial future by putting away what you can today, setting firm goals and sticking to them.  Help each other by coming up with creative ways to save money.  Dine in or hit up the Red Box instead of the movies or eating out.  Sex is always free.  If you do it right, you won’t even remember where you wanted to go and spend that money you’re trying to save.  Make it a game both of you will want to play.


The truth hurts, but it will set you free.  All couples need to have honesty in their relationships, that goes without saying, and that includes your financial status.  Financial transparency is non-negotiable so you and your love need to be honest about your income and debt.  It simply cannot work without it.  The more you know, the better equipped you will be to tackle any situations that come your way.  Note: This “rule” is most important for married individuals and those in a seriously committed, long-term relationship, especially when sharing financial responsibility.


To piggy-back on my last point, if you’re a couple who has joint bills, you might want to establish a firm financial structure.  Who will be in charge of making sure the rent or mortgage gets paid?  Who pays the utilities?  Daycare?  The truth is that some people are more reliable than others when it comes to taking care of business on time.  It is ok if it’s not you; discuss it with your partner and make a plan to compensate for it.  You can even give the more responsible partner your share of the bill money on payday.  This way, your financial flaws do not interfere with the future you’re trying to build together.


Are there any bills that you and your love share that can be consolidated?  Check your cell phone provider for family plans that will help reduce the amount you both pay each month.  Contact your cable provider to see if there are any deals or promotions that you can take advantage of.  Get rid of any frivolous or unnecessary expenses.  The more expenses you can consolidate into a lower monthly payment, the more you have to add towards your financial goals.


At least once a quarter, if not every month, the two of you should be discussing your finances.  Maybe a talk over dinner and wine with a promise of “dessert” afterwards will make it more enticing, but it cannot be avoided.  Get into the habit of making time to assess your goals or make changes if necessary.  Are you both saving enough?  Do you need to rethink any of your goals?  Cut back more?  This is your time to go back to the drawing board should you need to make edits to your plan.


Author Kimberly Jasper


Six Surprising Things That Make Your Relationship Work-by Kimberly R. Jasper

Any relationship that you enter into is going to take work and commitment and there really is no “secret” to success.  That being said, there are some dos and don’ts that can make or break a relationship of any kind.  Teamwork may make the dream work, but it also makes a relationship work.  Here are six surprising things that can make your relationship work for the better.


People who spend time bettering themselves have happier unions than those who always put their partner’s needs first.  When you maintain your own interests, you have more to teach the other person and you won’t end up losing yourself.  Your bond will improve because you’re adding new layers and depth to it.  So men, keep up that Saturday morning basketball game going with the guys.  Ladies, arrange your appointment at the nail shop for the same time.  That way, when you get home, you will both feel refreshed and the two of you can better enjoy each other’s company.


Fast sex may seem unromantic, but short bursts of passion keep you bonded because they release dopamine and oxytocin, which hare two chemicals that trigger loving feelings.  It doesn’t have to be amazing every time, it just has to happen often.  Stroking, cuddling, kissing, touching, all of those things relieve stress and induce feelings of desire.  Never be too busy or tired for sex, initiate a quickie and you will both end up feeling better.  Hug more often, kiss more often, touch more often, and just watch the sparks fly.

3.        GO TO BED ANGRY

It’s okay to table a conversation and simply agree to disagree.  Be sure that both parties agree on a time in the very near future to pick it back up when cooler heads will prevail.  Research conducted at the University of California, San Diego, found that people often solve ongoing problems during sleep.  While sleeping, the brain reshuffles memories, and introduces new ideas to come up with more effective solutions.  It is okay to go to bed angry, but don’t forget to kiss each other goodnight and cuddle.


Research shows that if your coupled-up pals are always fighting, even if it’s irrelevant to your marriage, you are very likely to do so as well.  Never discuss another couple’s problems in your bed.  Say a prayer for them and come up with a game plan for how not to end up like them.  It is always better to surround yourself with positive influences as individuals and as a couple and steer clear of anyone that is not 100% behind your relationship, no matter who it is.


When you’re always working, there’s no division between the office and home, which increases stress in the relationship.  Take a moment to unplug after work, take a deep breath, turn on your favorite music, light a candle; do whatever de-stresses you.  Happy hour is full of people unplugging, so have a cocktail, listen to some good music, set your mood, and come home happy.  Even better if the two of you can meet there and then go home and unwind with each other.


Mopping and laundry are necessary in any household, but studies show that men do fewer chores than women do.  That feeling of being a “housemaid” can put a damper on any relationship.  It’s great to agree on chore responsibility, but it can still be a bit much for one person to handle.  If dirty dishes cause tension, cut back spending each week so you can hire a cleaning service, then use the newfound time you have to do something fun together.  Better yet, men, surprise your woman with a Saturday off.  When the service shows up at your door, take her out to dinner.  I guarantee you’ll enjoy what she serves you for dessert!

Author bio:

Kimberley R. Jasper was raised in Jamaica Queens, New York and still describes herself as a true New Yorker through and through despite currently residing in Humble, Texas with her family. From horror fiction with a mystical twist to erotic thrillers, this author does it all with well-seasoned finesse.


Photo Credits:  Photo courtesy of confessionsofaserialdaterinla.com

Seven Signs That You Are With A Grown Woman-by Kimberly R. Jasper

Not every man wants his woman to think like him.  A real man wants a real woman.  A woman that compliments him as a man, supports his dreams, and speaks life into him.  A woman that will fight as passionately for him as she does with him.  Whether you’re trying to climb the corporate ladder or expand your car repair shop, she has your back.  That’s what it is when you’re dealing with a grown woman.


Comfortable in her role as a woman, she doesn’t use her wiles as a weapon or a bargaining tool for power against her man.  Whether she makes more than or less than him, he still feels like a man throughout the relationship.  What she asks for him to bring to the table, she brings as well.  If she wants a good communicator, she’s leading the example with effective communication herself.  If she wants her man to be active in the community, she already is.  Not that she wants a man that’s just like her, but she is looking for an equal.


She is her own person with her own interests outside of her man.  She has hobbies.  She has girlfriends.  She does not need to be attached at his hip to feel complete.  You will find her hosting book and investment clubs, entertaining friends, organizing fundraisers, continuing her education or attending seminars and conferences.  You name it, she’s doing it and she still makes time for her man.  No matter what she’s doing, even if she’s busy, she takes time to make sure he knows he’s a priority in her life.


If she has a child or children from a previous relationship, she’s not keeping them from the father out of spite.  Even though she’s done with the relationship, she does not interfere with his role as a father in her children’s lives.  She realizes that she is a grown woman and it is not all about her, it’s about her children.  She doesn’t gossip or keep mess going in her life.  She doesn’t have messy friends or get involved in other people’s business.  She stays in her lane and does her own thing.  She doesn’t have to work hard to keep her life drama free, she’s not afraid to cut ties with anything that will interfere with her happiness.


She knows that he can’t read minds, so she’s able to effectively communicate with him.  She asks for what she wants, and expresses her expectations.  If you piss her off, she lets him know, then lets it go.  It’s easy to find peace when dealing with her.  When asked a direct question, she gives you a direct answer.  She communicates what she wants in a relationship from the beginning and is honest about it.  If she knows she wants to get married in the future, then so does he.  She doesn’t play guessing games.  If that’s not what he wants, she respects that, and doesn’t play games to make him change his mind.  She is fully prepared to walk away if the relationship isn’t going to benefit either of them.


Her man can get a cooked meal out of her, a real cooked meal.  Even if she hates cooking or doesn’t know how to cook, she will do it for him.  She will fix his plate and serve it with his favorite drink and a smile.  Maybe not every time, but enough to show him how much he means to her.  She’ll rub his back, massage his feet, and even crack his toes.  She’s not too proud to serve him.  She knows that it takes more to define her as a woman, so she’s perfectly fine with running him a bath or fetching his slippers.

6.        SHE’S SECURE

She’s not insecure or jealous of a relationship with his boys, or with family.  She doesn’t interfere with the relationship with his children, if he has any from a previous relationship.  She knows that one female friend of his is really just a friend, and she’s not jealous of her either.  She trusts her man, so when the women flirt, it’s no sweat off her brow.  Inside, she’s thinking, “that’s right ladies, I got a good man!”


She acts like a lady and thinks like one too.  She understands that no man really wants his woman thinking like him.  She’s not trying to change him when she introduces something new; she’s merely keeping things interesting and the date life fun.  She is his sounding board, and he is free to talk about anything with her.  He can vent or complain about his bad day at work.  He can safely express his anger, pain, hurt, and happiness with her.  If he’s a good man, she knows she’s winning with him, and he never has to question her appreciation for him.

Author bio:

Kimberley R. Jasper was raised in Jamaica Queens, New York and still describes herself as a true New Yorker through and through despite currently residing in Humble, Texas with her family. From horror fiction with a mystical twist to erotic thrillers, this author does it all with well-seasoned finesse.



It’s hard enough to maintain any relationship, let alone a romantic one.  So often, we forget the importance of nurturing the bond with one another. Neglect can turn any good relationship bad, but a few simple things can be done to keep the fires going, keep lines of communication open and keep the love strong.  Here are six very good relationship tips for starters.


Every relationship should begin at the friend level.  It may sound basic, but just like the foundation of a home, you must fortify your friendship foundation so that it is strong enough to withstand the weight of a relationship.  If the foundation crumbles, then the house falls down.  At the deepest level, the foundation of friendship includes, respect, admiration and a genuine “like” for the person you’re with.  If you don’t at least have that, then the relationship is doomed.

2.        KEEP IT SEXY

After you’ve been with one person for a while, it’s easy to fall into a rut.  You may no longer feel like you have to impress and start paying less and less attention to your appearance.  It is very important to remember to make an effort sometimes.  Women, put on some red lipstick and a sexy pair of shoes…and nothing else.  That will surely get things jumpstarted and will remind him of his attraction to you!  Men, pay her some extra special attention, tell her she’s sexy…often.  Bring home a little gift to show her that you appreciate her.  Every girl likes gifts no matter how big or small.

3.        BE VERBAL

When your man looks fine in his suit, tell him!  When he steps out the shower, give him a wink and let him know he’s still got it.  A lot of times, all it takes is a couple of loving words here and there every day to keep a relationship strong.  Especially as women, if we take an hour to get ready for something, then we want to know our efforts are appreciated.  Women, don’t be afraid to tell your man you’re proud of him, he needs to hear that.  Try this:  Tell him that you think he looks hot after mowing the lawn.  I’ll bet he starts doing more yard work with you in mind.

4.        KEEP DATING

Don’t ever stop dating each other.  The biggest mistake long-term couples make is to stop dating when quality time together is more important than ever.  It’s so important that couples still go on dates, no matter how long they’ve been together, it gives you quality alone time and really allows you to just focus on each other. If the standard ‘dinner and a movie’ starts to feel routine, think of unique dates to go on and make it a joint effort so it’s not always something only one of you wants to do.  Try new things, see new sights, it will serve to make your relationship stronger and you will find yourself looking forward to spending more time together.


The fact that somebody loves you doesn’t absolve you from the responsibility of loving yourself.  To make a relationship last, it’s so important to know and love yourself first.  If that takes a while, so be it.  It’s never a good idea to rush into a long-term relationship with anyone if you haven’t had one with yourself.  It’s important to feel content with the person that you are and to know exactly what you want and what you need in a partner before taking one on.

6.        SHOW YOUR LOVE

You may not think the little things matter once you’ve been together for a while, but they really do.  Small things like flowers or handwritten notes really show your significant other that you don’t take them for granted.  It’s also a reminder of the excitement you felt when your relationship first started. You don’t always have to buy things either – simple touches like surprising them with breakfast in bed, a good back or foot massage, are all sweet ways to show your love.


Author bio:

Kimberley R. Jasper was raised in Jamaica Queens, New York and still describes herself as a true New Yorker through and through despite currently residing in Humble, Texas with her family. From horror fiction with a mystical twist to erotic thrillers, this author does it all with well-seasoned finesse.


Photo Source:  Photo stock Sitebuilder

Relationships Re-Design: Eight Secrets of a Succesful Couple-Kimberly R. Jasper

Having too much to do is a common cause of stress.  Relationships are driven by organization.  The benefits of using these organizing principles are very real as more time with your significant other lets the relationship grow.  Spending a little time developing a system that makes sense for both of you will save you all sorts of stress down the road and leave more time for the two of you to spend doing things you want to do.  A couple with less waste and less stress is going to be a whole lot happier.


Having a meeting each week keeps the lines of communication open.  If you regard your relationship as a “team”, then you will work as one.  Sit down at a table and run this more or less like a business meeting.  The fact is that every relationship has some “business” to it — tasks that need to get done, upcoming projects you need to prepare for, financial concerns and so on.  Spending a little time each week focusing on what needs to happen to keep your home running smoothly means that these conversations happen when they’re supposed to and don’t “sneak” up on you at the wrong time.


Having a calendar is vital for staying organized with commitments.  Sharing these appointments with your partner helps prevent conflicts of scheduling, and also keeps you both reminded of things you’re doing together.  Be sure to keep it in a place where you can both refer to it and update it as often as possible.  Daily calendars are fine, but it may be beneficial to use a calendar that displays the full month so that upcoming events are visible in advance.


Establishing a budget and reconciling your checkbook are great ways to keep track of your finances.  Today’s technology has made it even easier with automated solutions like Mint.com, QuickBooks and Quicken.  Money fights are some of the most common in relationships, so devise a budget plan to make sure all financial responsibilities are covered.  Having an open discussion about finances before you’re over budget or underfunded for the month will make things better for both of you.


There are many ways to handle money in a relationship.  However, if you agree to jointly handle money; make the system as streamlined as possible.  Open a joint account that you both pay into, so you can pay bills and move money back and forth if one of you needs to pay the other for something.  Each of you may keep your personal accounts, but this type of central “pool” makes bill sharing easy.  You may set a deadline for the money transfer so that each is aware in enough time if the other is going to be short.  Whatever your system, make moving money an easy thing — the goal is to relieve the stress about your finances.


Nothing’s worse than getting home from the store and realizing that you forgot something — except, maybe having to run back to the store just to get that one thing.  It is a waste of time and energy, and the odds of it happening doubles when you become a couple.  Keep a shopping list somewhere you can both see and add to it, and make a final check for anything that’s not on the list before you go shopping.


Having savings is important and so is having goals.  A savings goal is the best of both, and a great way to get organized as a couple.  Planning a trip or a home improvement project?  Figure out how much you need to save each month, and each contribute to a joint account.  Even if you don’t have combined finances, joint savings accounts can be set up easily or you can do it the old fashioned way and just put it in a shoebox.  Either way, the goal money is tucked away in a separate place where it won’t be spent.


Most people do not enjoy housework, but we all agree that it must be done.  Splitting the load makes it more bearable rather than to leave it to “whoever” to get to it.  Chances are it will never get done.  Decide who is responsible for what and divide up the work in a way that gets you both involved in keeping the house clean and running smoothly.  If you don’t mind cooking but hate the cleanup, you should both agree that one of you cooking means the other cleans up afterwards.  It’s a simple fix that eliminates “messy house” resentment.  It not only shows teamwork, but promotes couple harmony.


Have a system for who gets the mail each day – maybe something like “first one home gets the mail” since it works no matter how much your schedules change.  Once the mail is in the house, have a designated place for it to go so both of you always know where to find it.  Having a spot for mail to come into the house, and for mail that needs to go out, will keep you organized and avoid the stress of looking for a lost bill or important document.

Author bio:

Kimberley R. Jasper was raised in Jamaica Queens, New York and still describes herself as a true New Yorker through and through despite currently residing in Humble, Texas with her family. From horror fiction with a mystical twist to erotic thrillers, this author does it all with well-seasoned finesse.


Photo Credits: Source Blackdoctor.org via Pinterest

How to Identify Your Soul mate?

This blog  was inspired by a sermon that I watched earlier this year that talked about 5 Keys to your Soul mate by Pastor Toure Roberts of One Church International.  I was inspired as I reviewed over my notes to write about “Soul mates” because for those who are single, the question always comes up in group discussions.

The sermon was powerful and allowed me to reflect on past relationships where I thought I found my soul mate.  Many of the examples that were given throughout the sermon I could relate to  and had a few “light bulb” moments as I examined my past relationships.  Examining the past prepares you for your present and future so that you don’t make the same mistakes as well is ensure you learned the lesson that was a part of your journey on purpose.  It’s given me a better assessment of what I should be looking for in a Soul mate and how to identify him when he is presented before me.  We all want to find our Soul mate and live happily ever after!  Most importantly, to grow with someone that is your equal and compliments your purpose!  It’s the woman who was taken from his rib to complete each other’s purpose in life.

What are soul mates?  This is defined as two people who have connected spiritually, emotionally, and physically. The pastor’s definition summarized is that a soul mate is a person that God has chosen for you to complete each other’s purpose. Soul mates compliment one another’s goals, dreams, and most important their purpose.

How do you know that you have found your soul mate?  There are 5 Keys to your Soul mates:

  1. Chemistry
  2. Connection/Draw
  3. Wholeness
  4. Devine Confirmation
  5. Sense of Purpose

As we have learned over our adult lives, you can have chemistry with anyone and that does not make those people your soul mates.  When you meet that special person, there is chemistry between the two of you that is unexplainable.  It’s not sexual or physical attraction but more so a spiritual connection that draws you to his/her spirit.  That person you have this chemistry and are drawn to must be whole just as you should be whole.  Wholeness will qualify the chemistry and connection that you have with your soul mate.

Meanwhile, you must receive a word from God that gives you your Devine confirmation that this person is your soul mate.  Lastly, the person must have a sense of purpose knowing who they are is extremely important.  You don’t want to wake up and realize your purpose and you are in the wrong relationship.  I want someone who knows who they are and is in full pursuit of their purpose, their dreams, and living each day whole!

Have you found your Soul mate?