You can huff and you can puff, but you cannot make him into something he’s not or do something he does not want to do. Maybe you wish he were a little more romantic or helped out around the house. Nagging, yelling, and pouting haven’t gotten you anywhere because you can’t make him change. He may make adjustments to his behavior if he really cares about the relationship, but ultimately, it is just an adjustment and not a change.
- GROW UP
If he was immature when you met him, chances are he’s going to stay that way. It goes further than him just being childish; he is actually just being himself. He may eventually outgrow some of his playfulness, but he may never mature to full capacity. Change may occasionally occur, but only through time and life experience, not due to any pressure from you. If he’s too childish for you, you will be waiting a long time for him to grow up. Leave him to his “child’s play” and find a man more suitable for your level of maturity.
- BE ATTENTIVE
He’s not ignoring you, he’s just being himself. Totally self-absorbed. If he wasn’t very attentive when the two of you met, not even acrobatics can get him to change. It may be no more than a symptom of relationship ADD or it may be that he is not attentive by nature and there’s not much you can do to change either of those things. He’s not being insensitive, he’s just being himself. A man will change on his own terms, but unless he’s innately attentive, that won’t be a change he’ll make. Likewise, if he’s romantic at heart, he will not likely change into a bad boy at your request.
LISTEN TO YOU
Constant misunderstandings? Chances are he’s just not listening to you. If your man simply won’t listen and you have the feeling that he just doesn’t understand you; that is something that you cannot change on command. His lack of listening skills and/or plain disinterest is not a flaw that can be fixed; it may just be who he is. The more you complain about him not listening, the less he listens. It will always be his decision what change is made and this is the least likely. Let him listen to the sound of you walking out the door.
- BE AS SUPPORTIVE AS YOUR GIRLFRIENDS
Well, let’s start with the fact that he is NOT your girlfriend, and I’m sure you don’t want him to be. If that were the case, you would just be in a relationship with your girlfriend. Men are just not capable of using all parts of their brain at the same time, so what appears to be disinterest, or lack of empathy, is just him taking it all in. He will more likely take a moment before responding and you will never see the “I know girl” look on his face, because he really doesn’t know. Take this opportunity to gain a different perspective from him, then go hang out with your girlfriends and get that “girl power” pep talk and support you need.
- BE FAITHFUL
This is not at all to say that a man cannot be faithful. I am saying that you cannot make him be faithful. If he has cheated in the past, and is unfaithful by nature, don’t take on the challenge of being the woman to make him change his ways. That is a myth. A man can change, but it is solely up to him, and he has to really want to. No amount of aerobics or swinging from the chandelier is going to make him faithful when he wants to cheat.
- MARRY YOU
If a man does not want to commit, there is no way you can make him do so. Whether it be fear or just bad timing, you can’t make him move unless he wants to. Like a stubborn old mule that refuses to drink, he would most likely just drown. If he’s not ready, no amount of threats or ultimatums will get him ready. A man will make that move in his own time. Make sure that you are not waiting in vain, and that both of you remain on the same page. If marriage is not in his plan, but it’s in yours, you might want to find someone that’s ready for marriage.
Kimberley R. Jasper was raised in Jamaica Queens, New York and still describes herself as a true New Yorker through and through despite currently residing in Humble, Texas with her family. From horror fiction with a mystical twist to erotic thrillers, this author does it all with well-seasoned finesse.