Get Out -By Selena Haskins

You may have watched TV Shows like Cold Case, The First 48, or The Coroner, and many of those shows are based on real-life crimes. The investigation makes you curious and you hope that justice prevailed by the end of the episode. Well, recently, I wanted justice for two women. One was pregnant and murdered by her boyfriend and the other was pregnant as well and severely burned by her boyfriend. I said to myself, ‘why didn’t they GET OUT???’

After my anger cooled down at the men who committed these terrible acts, my mind began to analyze the subject of domestic violence. I realized it was probably not easy for those women to get out, and when one of them did leave, maybe it was too late. I absolutely loathe domestic violence, and I hate the acts of men who abuse or even kill a woman, but it also saddens me that some women choose to stay.

Stand By Your Man sang Tammy Wynette, and many women do stand by their men— with a blacked-eye and busted lip. They will defend their man even til’ his death or her own. Why? Perhaps their mothers stayed in abusive relationships or maybe they feel like they’re not smart enough or have enough money to survive on their own or they’re too afraid to leave. To quote a character from my book, A River Moves Forward, “the only excuse for a man who abuses women are the ones we give him.” Pray for the courage to leave, educate yourself, learn to make your own decisions, and to say NO to others without regrets. The more a woman can do for herself, the less she will have to depend on a man. Gone are the days of yesterday when he once romanticized you in a cunning way. What’s the reality?

An abusive man may have seemed sweet, kind, and respectful, but if a woman plays the scenes of yesterday all the way through in her mind, she just may notice some red flags that she missed. What should a woman do when she sees the red flags? Should she wait it out? Time won’t change a man the man must change himself, and he can only do that if he recognizes he has a problem and is willing to seek help. Remember, an abusive man is a sick man. You cannot heal him. The longer you stay in an abusive relationship, the harder it will be to leave.

Men who abuse women may have been abused themselves or witnessed domestic violence in their household. They may have also experienced a really bad break up and believe that if they allow themselves to be vulnerable again, that a woman will take advantage of him, so he becomes controlling. His control makes him feel powerful, and then he starts to become verbally abusive, and the verbal abuse leads to physical abuse, and ultimately the physical abuse leads to murder. Whatever other reasons psychologically or via his experiences in life, it is still NO excuse for him to abuse a woman, and he should seek help immediately!  In the meantime, be more concerned about your safety and your own life. Here is a list of some red flags you should not ignore.

  • Possessive and obsessive behavior – He wants to know your every move. Acts suspicious of others, especially other men. He isolates you from friends and family by having you cancel events or visits with them. He pays for everything including your rent, but it’s only to control what you wear or what you do.
  • Gets easily angry over little things.
  • Smacks you, because you made him jealous or didn’t do what he said, and then he showers you with more gifts and promises not to do it again.
  • He insists on having his way and does not compromise or consider your needs and feelings.
  • Abuses drugs or alcohol, and his abuse worsen while under the influence.
  • Threatens to kill you or himself if you leave.
  • He has a history of abusing women or violent criminal record.
  • He is always the victim. Nothing is his fault; it’s yours or somebody else’s.

GET OUT! Seek help from a family member or trusted friend. Call the domestic violence Hotline for professional guidance on this matter: 1-800-799-7233.

Photo Credits:  Pinterest board: articles.familylobby.com

Writer:  Selena Haskin

Selena-1058She is a native Washington who enjoys music, spirituality, basketball, and spending quality time with her family. As a young girl, Selena always had a vivid imagination, and would tell make-believe stories to her friends. As a teenager, Selena begin to journal her personal thoughts, and write poetry. Before long, her talent for writing was recognized by her high school English teacher, who encouraged her to write articles for the school newspaper. The articles motivated Selena to write many stories and essays, mostly as a hobby. After completing high school, Selena would major in English at Johnson C. Smith University, and the University of the District of Columbia

Website: http://www.booksbyselena.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/authorselena.haskins?ref=bookmarks

Twitter: https://twitter.com/BooksbySelena

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/booksbyselena/

 

 

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Women Haters by Selena Haskins

She rolls her eyes and sucks her teeth when everyone else compliments you. She’s critical and never has anything good to say about you, except to point out your human mistakes. Women like this have been called a “woman-hater,” a woman who hates on women and can’t find anything good to say. Have you ever met a woman like this?

Women haters are all around us—at our jobs, schools, in our families, and even in our places of worship. Why do women hate on other women? Is it jealousy? Is it insecurity? I’m not an expert in diagnosing this type of behavior, but I’ve had plenty of experience with other women hating me. Have you?

Here is what I’ve concluded, women who hate on other women are often unhappy with themselves. Instead of rejoicing with you in your success they would rather criticize. They actually wish they were you. That may sound like a stretch, but it’s true! They wish they had your knowledge, skills, talents, and the ambition it took to reach your goals. Because they’re not you, they can’t stand themselves, and they’ll do anything in their power to let you feel their misery.

They will even accuse you of being full of yourself. What’s sad is that, a woman hater will easily make herself the victim. She’ll conspire with others and try to get them to side with her. She realizes that gossip is contagious and the more negativity she can spread about you, the better… at least she thinks so.

How can you tell if you’re a woman-hater? Check your feelings and actions. Do you feel jealous when other women receive accolades? Do you intentionally hold back on being supportive of other women? Do you hate other women for no reason? Do you feel intimidated by other women’s success or even their appearance? If you honestly answer yes to any of these questions, then you could be a woman hater. It may hurt to admit the truth to yourself, but none of us are perfect. Once you own your truth be moved to take action! How?

Hate is conquered by showing love. When you sense ill-feelings brewing inside of you, be quick to put the fire out. Compliment the other woman, put on a pleasant smile and wish her a good day. Hate is something easily seen and sometimes another woman will agitate your displeasure.

Do you want what the other woman has? Covetousness is conquered by being happy with what you have. It’s easy to get jealous of someone’s else’s success when you never saw their struggles to get there. Is the other woman better looking, a good dresser, a people person whom others admire? Good for her! Why are you mad about that? All of us are attracted to different types of people, aren’t you? If you are a pleasant person than it’s likely you will attract others in your own way too.

However, if you are a hater, a jealous person or backbiting, your behavior will only isolate you from others. Let’s face it, everyone is not going to like you. You can’t be everyone’s best friend. Yet, that’s no reason to hate on another woman. You can simply smile even if you don’t agree with other’s opinion or if you do agree, instead of rolling your eyes and getting upset, why not compliment the other woman? Heck, ask for beauty tips and she just may be flattered that you asked.

In fact, it may even show that you care about yourself and how you look. She may view you differently, and in turn, you may get to know her better and see that she’s not how you “felt” about her at all.

On the other hand, if you’re a victim of a woman who is constantly hating on you through her malicious acts, then stop being the victim and be the victor! Don’t allow a woman hater to rain on your parade and then do her “happy dance” afterward. Allow her to be exactly who she is by not changing who you are. Seeking her approval will only drive you crazy because you will never get it!

At the end of the day, there’s enough competition out here in this world. There’s no reason for women to hate on each other. Real women lift other women by encouraging them, celebrating them, and letting them know they’re appreciated. Of course, the world isn’t this simple or perfect, but as long as you do your part to show how a real woman should be, let them hate on and watch you succeed!

Why is Everybody Mad? By Selena Haskins

At least once a month, I shut off all media platforms so I can think, meditate and focus on getting important work done. In our society, taking a break to regain a sense of calm and peace is important. It’s easy to become inundated with the political, social, and economic debacles that affect our lives on a daily basis. Naturally, people are concerned about various matters and initiating dialogue through various media is a way to inspire change. However, the manner in which we communicate our concerns is not always palatable. In fact, people have become very angry about not only the things that have caused distress, but they’re mad about trivial subjects, opinions, and preferences.  

In our world, social media has become our main method of communication, and the platform is an open floodgate of angry debates. The saying, ‘some things are better left unsaid’ is no longer true. People have become loose cannons, exploding hateful words against other races, religions, genders, sexual orientation, and people with opposing political views. Whether you agree or disagree, it is easy to become a target of someone else’s anger.

Sadly, TV and radio have perpetuated the anger we see in some people today. Some people already have a short fuse caused by the stresses of life or simply because they like being angry for attention. Ratchet TV shows of women fighting and arguing with each other over a man while he’s sitting back eating popcorn, for example, have become the norm for some people to watch and engage in conversation about it. Public radio stations, some of which that are struggling to stay afloat with online radio stations, often invite listeners to call in and share their opinions. At times, this has only provoked more anger about the subject instead of encouraging callers to share what they think the solution to the problem would be.   

The news also sensationalizes tragic events that can make others sad or angry. There was a time when the news would report a shooting, but now they air the actual footage. These have triggered rage, and have caused racial wars.  

So, what can we do? We’ll always have various forms of media that’ll show the good and the bad of people. While we can’t control others we can control ourselves. If we know we’re sensitive about certain subjects it’s best to steer away from it. Yes, we must be informed about what’s going on around us, but we don’t have to engage in the news every day.

We can do our part by counteracting the negative angry behaviors of others by being positive. Why not share more stories that display the positivity of the human spirit, such as a fireman rescuing an elderly woman or a child with a physical disability winning the Special Olympics. Our coffee room talk doesn’t have to spark an angry debate; it can be filled with humor or the pleasantries that can motivate a good day.

 

About Selena Haskins

Selena-1058She is a native Washington who enjoys music, spirituality, basketball, and spending quality time with her family. As a young girl, Selena always had a vivid imagination, and would tell make-believe stories to her friends. As a teenager, Selena begin to journal her personal thoughts, and write poetry. Before long, her talent for writing was recognized by her high school English teacher, who encouraged her to write articles for the school newspaper. The articles motivated Selena to write many stories and essays, mostly as a hobby. After completing high school, Selena would major in English at Johnson C. Smith University, and the University of the District of Columbia

Website: http://www.booksbyselena.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/authorselena.haskins?ref=bookmarks

Twitter: https://twitter.com/BooksbySelena

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/booksbyselena/

 Book Purchase Links:

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Selena-Haskins/e/B00BHYA3ZA/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1496848792&sr=8-1

Barnes and Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/selena+haskins?_requestid=421534

Autograph Copies: http://www.booksbyselena.com/

Introducing Contributor writer Selena Haskins

Maya’s Blog Showcase is pleased to introduce one of our newest monthly contributors Selena Haskins.  Read her Bio below and visit her website to learn more about her, read her blogs, and review her latest novels.  Follow her on social media to keep up with what is happening with her projects.   Selena’s first article will get you thinking about your self-awareness and the media.

Are you ready for some thought provoking articles that will empower and inspire you?     Welcome Selena Haskins.  Her bio is taken from her website at www.booksbyselena.com .

About Selena Haskins:

She is a native of Washington who enjoys music, spirituality, basketball, and spending quality time with her family. As a young girl, Selena always had a vivid imagination, and would tell make-believe stories to her friends. As a teenager, Selena begin to journal her personal thoughts, and write poetry.

Before long, her talent for writing was recognized by her high school English teacher, who encouraged her to write articles for the school newspaper. The articles motivated Selena to write many stories and essays, mostly as a hobby. After completing high school, Selena would major in English at Johnson C. Smith University, and the University of the District of Columbia.

Selena Haskins is the author of three bestselling books on Amazon: A River Moves Forward, Riding the Waves, and Just Between Us-Inspiring Stories by Women. Her latest novel, Yesterday Was a Long Time Ago was released May 30, 2017Her novels continues to explore the central theme of all of Selena’s books, namely, love and the power of forgiveness.

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